"We must help the child to act for himself, will for himself, think for himself; this is the art of those who aspire to serve the spirit." ~Maria Montessori
One of the things that makes Montessori education unique is the emphasis we place on helping the children to be independent. This is done by respecting the abilities of the children according to their development. We always ask our families to kindly respect the sacredness of the space and community that we are trying to create here at Hollis Montessori school. Children’s first step to independence begins when they leave their parents to come to school. The children walk into the school by themselves, to their classrooms and take care of their belongings.
When talking about wardrobe with our families, we ask them to make sure that their children can independently dress themselves without adult help. If a child's shoes have tie laces, can they tie them independently? Can they manage the buttons on their shirt? Sometimes the children come to school and tell me their mom forgot their folder (or rain jacket, lunch, backpack, etc.). Of course, at this age while parents do have a responsibility to make sure they have what they need, the children can also begin to take on the role of thinking about what they need each day. We can help them do this by making a visual chart, making up a song, checking the weather together each day, or another creative idea to invite our children into this work of independence.
A good rule of thumb for independence is: Don't do anything for a child that they can do themselves. It disempowers them. I think the word "disempower" carries a lot of weight here because it has an impact on children even outside that particular moment. If a child whines or cries soon after encountering a challenge, this can be a sign of disempowerment. Children can do so much more than adults think they can.
This is why we ask our Children’s House parents to try stepping back when their children struggle with something. If the child comes to their parent for help, we ask that the adults show them the way instead of taking over for them. If they resist and insist that the parent do it for them, parents should step away. Once the child accomplishes the challenge, it offers an opportunity for both the parent and the child to celebrate the hard thing that they did.
"Children are human beings to whom respect is due, superior to us by reason of their innocence and of the greater possibilities of their future" ~Maria Montessori