Support Young Lunch Packers!

At the start of this new school year, we’ve been thinking about how to offer ideas for integrating Montessori learning at home. With this in mind, we'd like to present you with a family challenge. You can think of this challenge as your homework. Even though we don’t really assign homework in Montessori, we do like to collaborate to help children develop their skills and confidence!

Children in Montessori settings do a lot of food preparation. Food preparation is a big part of their practical life experience at school and a big part of becoming functionally independent in the world. So, our challenge is this: Rather than taking on the sole responsibility of preparing lunches for our children, let's make a commitment to move toward helping our children become their own lunch packers!

Seems Daunting?

Maybe you already have a quick and easy routine for packing lunches. Or maybe it feels a little bit like a drag you stumble through every day. Regardless, preparing lunch is a part of our daily lives. Many of us try to fine-tune lunch packing to make it as efficient and painless as possible. The thought of including our children in that process may at first seem completely overwhelming and impossible. 

We recognize the challenge may feel uncomfortable, but bear with us! Not only does helping our children learn how to pack their own lunches help prepare them for important life skills, it also supports their Montessori experience in a pretty significant way. Plus, all too often we see children open up their lunch at school and complain that the food is something they don’t like or want. The side benefit of having children be part of the process is that they have some responsibility and accountability for what they bring. If it's food they helped choose, prepare, and/or pack, they know what they have!

Let’s break down the steps for supporting children as they learn how to prepare their food, pack their lunch, or even just be part of even putting items in their lunch bag or box. Keep in mind that this family “homework” challenge can even start with toddlers!  

Shop Together

A wonderful way to enlist children’s involvement is by including them in some part of the shopping experience. Young children can be part of selecting certain food options off the shelf and putting them in the cart. Older children can help make a grocery list, figure out the cost of different items, and keep track of what is needed while in the store. Even a little bit of involvement in picking out lunch food options helps children have a sense of ownership and control. 

Choice within Limits

In order to have a balance between wants and needs, it’s worth also weaving in some conversation about balancing different food groups and having plenty of healthy options. Some families have success with collaboratively creating a list of different choices within each food group. Decide as a family what you prioritize then list various options from food groups (e.g. grains, vegetables, fruit, dairy, and protein). It can help to create a visual guide so even young children can see what their choices are when thinking about what to plan for and purchase.

Accessibility

After coming home from the grocery store, children can be part of putting away the items they will be using to prepare and pack their lunches. Accessibility is key. Having a designated spot for lunch foods helps with the packing process. Low cabinet shelves or even low drawers work well. If possible, also find an easy-to-reach space in the refrigerator for perishable items. 

It can help to have clear containers so children can easily see their options. For example, after purchasing grapes, children can help wash them, remove the grapes from their stems, and then place the ready-to-eat grapes in a glass or plastic container to store in the refrigerator. Similarly, carrots can be washed, cut, and stored in water in a see-through container. If this system works for your family, even non-perishable items, like crackers, can be removed from their packaging and placed in a clear storage container with other accessible lunch foods. 

Easy to Make & Easy to Eat

Young children tend to love having small portions with lots of variety. So when preparing food, think about how children can help with this step. They might like to help cut a sandwich into mini-sandwiches, peel and section a clementine, or slice some cucumbers. With a variety of different choices, children can try combining foods in different ways. They might like to sample a piece of cheese with their apple slice or see how cream cheese tastes on a cracker. Older children can create their own wraps, roll-ups, or sandwiches or choose some dinner leftovers to put into containers for the next day’s lunch. 

When children are part of preparing food, there can be some mess involved. It’s good to allow a little time and space for spills to happen. We can show children how to clean up after themselves, while also remembering that the youngest children won’t necessarily be able to clean it all up themselves. When we collaborate in the process, we are helping our children learn how to do it themselves. Whatever path makes sense for your family, just remember that when children are part of the preparation process, they are more invested in trying and eating a variety of foods.

Plan Ahead

Because mornings can be rushed, it often helps to do a little planning ahead of time. Some families like to use the weekend to map out a lunch menu with their children. This can be posted in an easy-to-reference place in the kitchen. When it’s time to get the foods ready or put them in lunch containers, children can just look at the lunch plan for that day. Some families go as far as collaborating with their children to get as many lunch foods as possible ready over the weekend so that their kids can just put that day’s items into their lunch bag or box each morning. Other families might set up a routine so that children are part of emptying and washing their lunch containers when they get home from school and then can use that time to get their lunch set up for the following day. Children may even like to get their lunch packed the night before, store the whole lunch bag in the refrigerator, and then just grab the lunch and go in the morning. 

Your kids are more capable than it may seem! Although the process may feel overwhelming at first, remember that you are helping your child learn valuable life skills and reinforcing their Montessori education. If you’d like to come visit the school to see children’s food preparation in action, schedule a tour. We would love to support you with this Montessori challenge!

The Significance of Being on Time

As we start the school year, we want to connect about a really crucial part of Montessori learning environments and how it affects your child, as well as the community as a whole.

First, it helps to remember that we are constantly working to ensure the Montessori learning environment is supporting your child’s development. To do this most effectively, we observe. In our observations, we are looking at what is working for children (and what isn’t). 

These observations may lead to some changes. For example, we might adjust the arrangement of the furniture so that there is a better flow of activity in the room. Or we might recognize how an individual child needs a little extra time to watch friends before starting any activity. Sometimes we might realize that, as adults, we are walking around too much and distracting the children, so we slow down and take a few moments to sit calmly. 

While much of the Montessori learning environment depends upon observing so we can make modifications to what we do, there is one aspect that is really sacrosanct: the three-hour work cycle.

Three-Hour Work Cycles & the “Flow State”

Dr. Montessori was a scientist and the Montessori method of education was born from her observations of children and how to support their optimum development. She even graphed patterns of activity for individual children and classroom communities. In her scientific study, Dr. Montessori found that children need a block of uninterrupted time in order to go through a rhythm of focus and consolidation. Children two and a half and older need at least three hours to move through these cycles of concentration. Often children’s most growth and meaningful work happens toward the end of a three-hour block of time.

We can think about this in relation to our current-day understanding of what it means to get into a flow state. Sometimes people describe a flow state as “being in the zone.” It’s when we are so immersed in and focused on what we are doing that a sense of time and our surroundings disappear. This concept of flow has been most clearly articulated by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Csikszentmihalyi was a psychologist whose studies of happiness and creativity led to his articulation of flow – a highly focused mental state that is conducive to creativity and productivity. Interestingly enough, when Csikszentmihalyi’s grandchildren started going to a Montessori school, he saw how Montessori learning environments allowed young children to achieve this state of flow. 

Why is this significant?

In order to get into their own state of flow, children in our learning communities need a three-hour chunk of time. We have designed our morning arrivals and routines so that children can benefit from an interrupted morning work cycle. 

Part of the morning schedule involves children having enough time to greet their peers and go through their routines without being rushed before they enter the classroom environment. When children are ready and in the classroom, the guides can begin focusing on giving lesson presentations and generally supporting children as they start their day.

However, if children routinely arrive late at the beginning of the morning, the adults’ attention needs to be split between greeting those who arrive late and attending to the children who have started their important work of the day. 

This is also hard on the children who arrive after their peers have settled into their morning. When children enter a space where everyone is already connected and engaged in work, it is hard for them to connect with classmates and even know where to begin. This is especially challenging for those who really need to establish a social connection at the beginning of their day. It’s a little like awkwardly coming late to a party and finding everyone else in already established social circles!

In addition, late arrivals can be challenging for the community as a whole. The children who were on time and working often find it distracting when friends and classmates arrive. They might even lose focus on what they were leaning because they feel compelled to greet their friends. However, once everyone has arrived, the community is really able to settle. The adults aren’t trying to help children transition into the classroom and friends aren’t getting distracted by who is coming through the door. After arrivals are over, a gentle hum often comes over the room.

A World of Difference

Children need time to transition. Some children are relatively quick, while others take over 15 minutes to get their items put away, shoes changed, and so forth. 

It makes a world of difference when our community members arrive on the early side, so that transitions can happen when a guide is able to be present to greet children and so that we can have everyone in the classroom at the start of the day.

We know that mornings can be hard. Believe us, we know. If we were able to just extend the morning if people arrive late, we would! However, children get hungry for lunch, we want to have plenty of time outdoors, and we also need to leave time for children who need to rest. Thus, we rely upon on-time arrivals for the very important three-hour work cycle. Having that uninterrupted block of time is vital to a well-functioning classroom and to individual children’s development.

Thank You!

Thank you so much for being attentive to on-time arrivals, understanding why having the three-hour work cycle is so important, and considering how you can help. If you would like to meet and brainstorm about routines that can support on-time arrivals, we would be honored to get to strategize with you. When we can meet one-on-one with families to support morning routines, we often find some really creative, healthy, win-win options! It can take time to figure out what is most effective for each child and family. It’s a constantly evolving opportunity and we look forward to the collaboration. Please schedule a time to come in and connect.

Supporting Independent Sleep

In Montessori, we talk a lot about independence because we want to help children in their process of becoming capable young people! For our youngest children, this means supporting them in mastery of basic functions such as eating, toileting, and sleeping. Supporting independent skills in these three areas is pretty significant because these are parts of life where children ultimately have complete control over what does or doesn’t happen. So it makes sense for us to avoid setting up obstacles in these areas and instead help children develop skills that will build up their confidence. 

Our Language Matters

The language we use is indicative of our goals. For example, when children are learning to use the toilet, we make sure our language reflects that process. We aren’t “training” children like we might train a pet. We are helping them learn life skills so they can be well-functioning humans who understand cultural norms. In fact, we even call what we do “toilet learning” because children are learning how to take care of their bodily needs by using the toilet. 

Similarly, when thinking about children and their sleep, we are not “sleep training” like we might crate train a new puppy. Rather, we are supporting children’s natural process of learning how to settle themselves, self-soothe, and eventually fall asleep independently.

Importance of Sleep

With more and more research about the role sleep plays in brain development, growth, and learning, we have a responsibility to educate ourselves about how best to promote healthy sleep hygiene. A 2007 study states “that the most fundamental requirements for healthy growth and development in young children include a) loving support and protection by parents/caretakers, b) adequate nutrition, and c) adequate sleep.” A 2020 review of sleep and early brain development details how “sleep plays a critical role in learning and memory, emotional regulation, and related brain structure development.” Establishing healthy sleep practices in the early years is critical for our children’s development. So how can we best do this?

Focus on Four Factors

In order to help our children have trust in us and strengthen a secure attachment, we need to provide safe boundaries. This includes helping them learn what is acceptable and what isn’t in regard to sleep. Just like we hold boundaries for dental hygiene, we can uphold healthy sleep habits, too!

To promote healthy sleep hygiene, we can focus on four factors: 

• establishing an environment that is conducive to sleep, 

• maintaining regular routines, 

• providing suitable associations for the onset of sleep, and 

• upholding limits while making adjustments throughout childhood.

Sleep Environment

To create a place that is conducive to sleep, it can be helpful to think about our own sleep needs. Are we more likely to fall asleep in a bright, noisy, active environment, or in one that is dark, quiet, and calm? The same applies to our children. A comfortable sleep environment should be dark because sleep hormones are triggered by darkness. Plus, natural and blue-based artificial light stimulates alertness. Black-out blinds or curtains (as well as aluminum foil over the windows in a pinch) help immensely. The designated sleep space, whether a bedroom or other area, should also be calm, quiet, and free of distractions like toys or other interest-provoking items. Finally, it’s best if the room temperature is slightly cooler.

Regular Routines

Our children depend upon us to establish healthy and consistent routines, including times for rest. When children stay up past their nap or bedtime, they can enter into an overtired zone. At this point, they experience a stress response, which leads to the release of adrenaline and cortisol. This influx of chemicals causes a “second wind” and children can become even more energized and awake, despite their intense need for sleep. 

To avoid this vicious cycle, it’s important to learn our children’s sleep window, which is the time it is easiest for the brain to switch to sleep. Children actually give us cues as to when they are in a window for sleep. They might begin to have some difficulty listening, lose focus, or become a little more irritable. Some children may rub their eyes, go for a comfort object, or seek contact with a caregiver. 

Every child is a little different, but when they start to indicate they are in a sleep window, it is time to wrap up the routine. The process should be very simple, for example, pajamas, toileting, teeth, one story, a hug, and a kiss. It’s better for extensive reading and a long bath to happen before the sleep window because these activities can very easily push children past the window of opportunity and lead to them entering the overtired zone. A predictable, simple pre-sleep routine allows children to unwind and feel secure in knowing that sleep is happening next.

Sleep Onset Associations

When children fall asleep, they form associations with the conditions that are present at the time when they actually drift off. So if we rock our children, read to them, or even snuggle in their bed next to them until they fall asleep, our children learn that they need that condition to be present in order to fall asleep. This also means that as children awake slightly during normal sleep cycles, they look for the same conditions they had when they first fell asleep. If children can’t recreate those on their own, they become dependent upon adult intervention, which can then can lead to more frequent night wakings. 

Thus we need our children to go to bed when they are drowsy but still awake, so they can develop appropriate sleep onset associations. We can sing a song, read a book, or rub their back. However, we need to end any of these activities before our children actually fall asleep. We need to leave them while they are heavy-eyed but not yet asleep! Transition objects can help children, too. Some might like a special blanket, doll, or stuffed animal, which they can use to self-soothe as they drift off to sleep.

Limits & Adjustments

Sleep patterns change throughout early childhood and beyond. So while children need us to be consistent, they also need us to understand developmental changes. It can help to use resources like the Sleep Foundation to check on recommended hours of sleep for different developmental stages.

As children get older, they also get more sophisticated in trying to prolong the bedtime routine or keep us engaged when actually we should be stepping out of the process to allow them to fall asleep on their own. Work collaboratively with your child to establish or re-establish the routine (and the limits). Write down the routine and revisit it before bedtime. Stay calm and consistent. 

Children are hard-wired to test the boundaries and are just checking to make sure we are going to stay true to the agreement. If you feel like you are going to break down and not be able to uphold the agreement, find someone who can be your backup or reinforcement. If you are doing bedtime alone, find a friend who you can text or call and who will remind you about staying true to what was established. 

Above all, make sure you are taking care of yourself! If you are sleep-deprived it is much harder to hold limits or think clearly about the long-term goal of helping children become independent and capable young humans. If you ever want to talk or need support, we are happy to help. We love to share resources and support families!

Observation to Instruction

Do you see your child throwing their clothes on the floor in a heap? Maybe leaving things out on the kitchen table? Interrupting during mealtime?

It’s so tempting in these moments to jump in, perhaps correcting or reminding (often for what seems like the umpteenth time). 

One of the keys to a Montessori approach is taking the time to observe what is happening, noting what you see, and waiting for an opportune time to teach what to do rather than what not to do.

Supporting Undeveloped Skills

For example, a Montessori teacher saw that a child new to the classroom was regularly cutting to the front of the line as children prepared to wash their hands. Other children were getting quite upset with this young friend’s tactics to get to the front of the line. 

Instead of reprimanding the child, the Montessori teacher observed that he wasn’t acting maliciously. He just seemed to not yet have or know the skills to line up successfully. At a quiet moment, the teacher connected with the young boy and let him know that when there is a line, we just go to the end of where the line is forming. Grateful for this information on social graces, the child then happily started going to the end of the lines. It turns out the child just didn’t know the expectations!

It can be so tempting to jump in when we see something happening that we don’t like. Yet as long as children aren’t hurting others, their surroundings, or themself, we practice observing and determining what children still need to learn to be successful. 

Observation is Key

The heart of the Montessori method is learning how to observe children in an objective and meaningful way. Adults learn how to look rather than merely see. In order to look without judgment, expectation, or preference, adults work on developing a deep inner awareness. This requires that we observe to understand rather than see something and jump to conclusions. 

Thus Montessori education is focused on the natural emergence of young humans at their own pace. The role of adults is to prepare the environment and support children in their optimal development. In order to do this, we have to become constructive observers. We focus on waiting and observing, rather than intervening right away.

How This Can Work at Home

This is something that we can try at home, too. Perhaps your child is throwing their clothes on the floor in a heap. Rather than scold or lecture in the moment, try taking a deep breath and making yourself a little note to remember to circle back to the undeveloped skill. Later, when everyone is relaxed and content, take the time to connect with your child. Let them know you want to show them how to either put their clothes in the laundry basket or fold and store them for later use. Practice these options together. Finally, thank your child for taking the time with you to learn this skill. 

Or perhaps you can go over the steps to loading dishes in the dishwasher. Or how to wait for a pause in the conversation. The trick is to observe for the need and wait to give instructions. Children want to do well. Often they just need us to observe, pause, and later take the time to show them how to be successful. 

This doesn’t mean that our children will always remember how to do what we’ve shown. Sometimes they’ll need a smile and a gentle reminder. Sometimes they’ll need us to cycle back and demonstrate something again. The key is remembering to observe, rather than reacting in the moment. 

The Montessori Approach

Through observation, Dr. Maria Montessori discovered how children’s character is formed through experiences in the environment, how children adapt to their culture, and how children have sensitive periods for acquiring all sorts of important skills. 

Observation allows us to provide children with opportunities to become competent and capable. Come observe this for yourself! Schedule a tour today!

Looking on the Positive Side

Our brains are hardwired to look for problems and generate solutions. In The Neuroscience of Change, Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, explains how this brain state has been helpful for human evolution so we can improve our state of being. Looking for what’s wrong, however, often prevents us from seeing what is good in the present moment.

Because of our negative bias, we can easily become focused on what children need to do better: pick up their clothes, get ready faster, be quieter, solve math problems better, make less mess, and on and on. As a result, our children can easily be bombarded by what they are not doing right.

Clear Feedback & Encouragement

In Montessori environments, we focus on offering clear, accurate feedback and encouragement, which includes acknowledging children’s work and effort. We want children to develop an internal drive so they can be independent, responsible, thoughtful learners and community members. 

To support this development, our feedback and encouragement are focused on what is happening for children internally. We acknowledge what children might be feeling and the effort involved. Instead of the focus being on what the adult is feeling, we reflect upon children’s experiences. So rather than saying “I’m so proud of you,” we might say “You look very proud,” or “You worked so hard. Congratulations!”

Phrases of encouragement or positive feedback work best when backed up by evidence. For example, “I noticed how your friends looked relieved when you offered to help sweep up the spilled rice. They seemed to really appreciate your kindness.” Or “I saw how you looked frustrated and then how you took a deep breath. You showed a lot of self-control at that moment.”

State the Positive

Developmentally, young children need to hear requests or reminders framed positively. They need to know the expected behavior and they need us to state what we expected to see. If we say, “don’t hit,” young children cannot easily differentiate between the commands “hit” and “don’t hit.” The last word they hear is “hit,” so that is the image that lasts in their minds. Thus, statements like “don’t run” or “don’t hit” aren’t as effective for our young children. 

Rather than saying what not to do, we focus on the behavior we want to see. Statements like “walk, please,” “touch gently,” or “please talk quietly” offer a clear and positive image of what to do. Children hear how to be successful and thus can more easily be successful. 

Catch Them Doing Something Right

In addition to these clear directions, we can recast children’s self-image by acknowledging times they are making a good choice. In doing so we are providing our children with positive attention. All too often children get attention when they are engaged in behaviors we don’t like. Children then quickly learn that they need to act out in some way if they want attention. To counter this trend, we need to catch our children doing something right. 

Building a Foundation

If we are caught in a cycle of only seeing the negative, one way we can change our outlook is to make a list of all the things our children have done right over the course of a day. When we start noticing and acknowledging the good stuff, we help create a positive feedback loop. Young children also love hearing a story about their day that highlights the positive choices they have made. 

In Different Learners, Jane M. Healy, Ph.D., offers a strong reminder about the profound influence we have on our children: “One thing brain research tells us – loud and clear – is that the way we raise and teach our children not only helps shape their brains, but can also influence or even alter the way genes play out their roles.” 

In this season of new growth, let’s offer positive reminders and in-the-moment acknowledgments to help our young people develop successfully. By doing so we will also be helping ourselves see the world in a more positive light. 

We also encourage you to come to visit our school to hear how the adults and children in our community interact with each other in positive ways!

Discipline: The Positive Way

We are often asked about how we handle discipline in Montessori. It’s a great question because we think differently about discipline. Ultimately, we want our children to develop self-discipline and to understand how to balance being an individual within a community. We know that children need to have a sense of belonging and significance; they want to feel and be capable in the world. In the process of learning how to use their power constructively, we understand they will make mistakes along the way. 

In thinking about discipline, it can be helpful to consider how we, as adults, want to be treated when we make a mistake. If we start arriving late for work, for example, how would we want our supervisor to respond? Imagine if we were reprimanded, especially publicly. We might slink into discouragement, feel resentful, or even lash out. Or maybe our supervisor doesn’t hold us to expectations of timeliness and we eventually don’t even feel the need to get to work promptly. However, if our supervisor kindly and quietly reminds us about arrival time expectations, perhaps even checking in about what is going on in our lives, their warmth and understanding can inspire us to do better. 

Our children deserve and need the same kind of respect. They do best when they are encouraged rather than punished or pampered. Yet often we get caught in a cycle with our children. We punish or cajole. Our children rebel, maybe get back at us, or perhaps retreat. Things get worse. We may react and layout more consequences, as if making life more miserable will help our children make better choices. In reality, we are all more likely to do better if someone supports us to figure out what went wrong and how to make things right.

The practice of Positive Discipline aligns well with Montessori philosophy and helps us shift from being punitive or reward-based to being kind and firm at the same time. Positive Discipline is a respectful approach that acknowledges that when children feel worse, they do worse, and when children feel better, they do better.

To balance being kind and firm at the same time, while also ensuring that we are supporting our children in healthy ways, we can listen to what we sound like when we communicate with children. Are we issuing directives or asking for cooperation? Are we forging relationships or cutting off connections? Are we brashly belittling or kindly reminding? 

One way to become more aware of talking with our children rather than to our children is to practice the Positive Discipline principle of connection before correction. Connection before correction means that we focus on creating closeness and trust instead of distance and hostility. If we notice a child has left their coat on the floor, it’s most effective to first connect with them in a loving way before reminding them to clean up after themselves. 

Basic brain science explains why this is the case. Scolding, nagging, lecturing, blaming, shaming, yelling – all cause the recipient’s brain to shift into “flight, fright, or freeze” mode. Children (and adults, too) function best when they feel safe, trusted, and accepted. 

Connection before correction can be as simple as first getting to a child’s eye level and smiling before addressing the need at hand. Or perhaps it’s saying, “I love you, and the answer is no.” 

Other ways of making a connection include active listening, spending special time together, validating feelings, asking questions, and giving hugs. Effective connections are made when everyone involved feels significance and belonging. 

When children feel a connection, their sense of belonging and significance increases. Often this connection is enough to stop misbehavior and facilitate cooperation. The real bonus is that when we take the time to first connect rather than correct, we actually end up feeling better ourselves. Everyone benefits. 

Positive discipline practices are an essential component of how Montessori communities function so effectively. We would love for you to come to visit our school and see how we are kind and firm at the same time, how we practice connection before correction, and how we see mistakes as opportunities to learn. Schedule a tour to learn more!