Support Young Lunch Packers!

At the start of this new school year, we’ve been thinking about how to offer ideas for integrating Montessori learning at home. With this in mind, we'd like to present you with a family challenge. You can think of this challenge as your homework. Even though we don’t really assign homework in Montessori, we do like to collaborate to help children develop their skills and confidence!

Children in Montessori settings do a lot of food preparation. Food preparation is a big part of their practical life experience at school and a big part of becoming functionally independent in the world. So, our challenge is this: Rather than taking on the sole responsibility of preparing lunches for our children, let's make a commitment to move toward helping our children become their own lunch packers!

Seems Daunting?

Maybe you already have a quick and easy routine for packing lunches. Or maybe it feels a little bit like a drag you stumble through every day. Regardless, preparing lunch is a part of our daily lives. Many of us try to fine-tune lunch packing to make it as efficient and painless as possible. The thought of including our children in that process may at first seem completely overwhelming and impossible. 

We recognize the challenge may feel uncomfortable, but bear with us! Not only does helping our children learn how to pack their own lunches help prepare them for important life skills, it also supports their Montessori experience in a pretty significant way. Plus, all too often we see children open up their lunch at school and complain that the food is something they don’t like or want. The side benefit of having children be part of the process is that they have some responsibility and accountability for what they bring. If it's food they helped choose, prepare, and/or pack, they know what they have!

Let’s break down the steps for supporting children as they learn how to prepare their food, pack their lunch, or even just be part of even putting items in their lunch bag or box. Keep in mind that this family “homework” challenge can even start with toddlers!  

Shop Together

A wonderful way to enlist children’s involvement is by including them in some part of the shopping experience. Young children can be part of selecting certain food options off the shelf and putting them in the cart. Older children can help make a grocery list, figure out the cost of different items, and keep track of what is needed while in the store. Even a little bit of involvement in picking out lunch food options helps children have a sense of ownership and control. 

Choice within Limits

In order to have a balance between wants and needs, it’s worth also weaving in some conversation about balancing different food groups and having plenty of healthy options. Some families have success with collaboratively creating a list of different choices within each food group. Decide as a family what you prioritize then list various options from food groups (e.g. grains, vegetables, fruit, dairy, and protein). It can help to create a visual guide so even young children can see what their choices are when thinking about what to plan for and purchase.

Accessibility

After coming home from the grocery store, children can be part of putting away the items they will be using to prepare and pack their lunches. Accessibility is key. Having a designated spot for lunch foods helps with the packing process. Low cabinet shelves or even low drawers work well. If possible, also find an easy-to-reach space in the refrigerator for perishable items. 

It can help to have clear containers so children can easily see their options. For example, after purchasing grapes, children can help wash them, remove the grapes from their stems, and then place the ready-to-eat grapes in a glass or plastic container to store in the refrigerator. Similarly, carrots can be washed, cut, and stored in water in a see-through container. If this system works for your family, even non-perishable items, like crackers, can be removed from their packaging and placed in a clear storage container with other accessible lunch foods. 

Easy to Make & Easy to Eat

Young children tend to love having small portions with lots of variety. So when preparing food, think about how children can help with this step. They might like to help cut a sandwich into mini-sandwiches, peel and section a clementine, or slice some cucumbers. With a variety of different choices, children can try combining foods in different ways. They might like to sample a piece of cheese with their apple slice or see how cream cheese tastes on a cracker. Older children can create their own wraps, roll-ups, or sandwiches or choose some dinner leftovers to put into containers for the next day’s lunch. 

When children are part of preparing food, there can be some mess involved. It’s good to allow a little time and space for spills to happen. We can show children how to clean up after themselves, while also remembering that the youngest children won’t necessarily be able to clean it all up themselves. When we collaborate in the process, we are helping our children learn how to do it themselves. Whatever path makes sense for your family, just remember that when children are part of the preparation process, they are more invested in trying and eating a variety of foods.

Plan Ahead

Because mornings can be rushed, it often helps to do a little planning ahead of time. Some families like to use the weekend to map out a lunch menu with their children. This can be posted in an easy-to-reference place in the kitchen. When it’s time to get the foods ready or put them in lunch containers, children can just look at the lunch plan for that day. Some families go as far as collaborating with their children to get as many lunch foods as possible ready over the weekend so that their kids can just put that day’s items into their lunch bag or box each morning. Other families might set up a routine so that children are part of emptying and washing their lunch containers when they get home from school and then can use that time to get their lunch set up for the following day. Children may even like to get their lunch packed the night before, store the whole lunch bag in the refrigerator, and then just grab the lunch and go in the morning. 

Your kids are more capable than it may seem! Although the process may feel overwhelming at first, remember that you are helping your child learn valuable life skills and reinforcing their Montessori education. If you’d like to come visit the school to see children’s food preparation in action, schedule a tour. We would love to support you with this Montessori challenge!

The Significance of Being on Time

As we start the school year, we want to connect about a really crucial part of Montessori learning environments and how it affects your child, as well as the community as a whole.

First, it helps to remember that we are constantly working to ensure the Montessori learning environment is supporting your child’s development. To do this most effectively, we observe. In our observations, we are looking at what is working for children (and what isn’t). 

These observations may lead to some changes. For example, we might adjust the arrangement of the furniture so that there is a better flow of activity in the room. Or we might recognize how an individual child needs a little extra time to watch friends before starting any activity. Sometimes we might realize that, as adults, we are walking around too much and distracting the children, so we slow down and take a few moments to sit calmly. 

While much of the Montessori learning environment depends upon observing so we can make modifications to what we do, there is one aspect that is really sacrosanct: the three-hour work cycle.

Three-Hour Work Cycles & the “Flow State”

Dr. Montessori was a scientist and the Montessori method of education was born from her observations of children and how to support their optimum development. She even graphed patterns of activity for individual children and classroom communities. In her scientific study, Dr. Montessori found that children need a block of uninterrupted time in order to go through a rhythm of focus and consolidation. Children two and a half and older need at least three hours to move through these cycles of concentration. Often children’s most growth and meaningful work happens toward the end of a three-hour block of time.

We can think about this in relation to our current-day understanding of what it means to get into a flow state. Sometimes people describe a flow state as “being in the zone.” It’s when we are so immersed in and focused on what we are doing that a sense of time and our surroundings disappear. This concept of flow has been most clearly articulated by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Csikszentmihalyi was a psychologist whose studies of happiness and creativity led to his articulation of flow – a highly focused mental state that is conducive to creativity and productivity. Interestingly enough, when Csikszentmihalyi’s grandchildren started going to a Montessori school, he saw how Montessori learning environments allowed young children to achieve this state of flow. 

Why is this significant?

In order to get into their own state of flow, children in our learning communities need a three-hour chunk of time. We have designed our morning arrivals and routines so that children can benefit from an interrupted morning work cycle. 

Part of the morning schedule involves children having enough time to greet their peers and go through their routines without being rushed before they enter the classroom environment. When children are ready and in the classroom, the guides can begin focusing on giving lesson presentations and generally supporting children as they start their day.

However, if children routinely arrive late at the beginning of the morning, the adults’ attention needs to be split between greeting those who arrive late and attending to the children who have started their important work of the day. 

This is also hard on the children who arrive after their peers have settled into their morning. When children enter a space where everyone is already connected and engaged in work, it is hard for them to connect with classmates and even know where to begin. This is especially challenging for those who really need to establish a social connection at the beginning of their day. It’s a little like awkwardly coming late to a party and finding everyone else in already established social circles!

In addition, late arrivals can be challenging for the community as a whole. The children who were on time and working often find it distracting when friends and classmates arrive. They might even lose focus on what they were leaning because they feel compelled to greet their friends. However, once everyone has arrived, the community is really able to settle. The adults aren’t trying to help children transition into the classroom and friends aren’t getting distracted by who is coming through the door. After arrivals are over, a gentle hum often comes over the room.

A World of Difference

Children need time to transition. Some children are relatively quick, while others take over 15 minutes to get their items put away, shoes changed, and so forth. 

It makes a world of difference when our community members arrive on the early side, so that transitions can happen when a guide is able to be present to greet children and so that we can have everyone in the classroom at the start of the day.

We know that mornings can be hard. Believe us, we know. If we were able to just extend the morning if people arrive late, we would! However, children get hungry for lunch, we want to have plenty of time outdoors, and we also need to leave time for children who need to rest. Thus, we rely upon on-time arrivals for the very important three-hour work cycle. Having that uninterrupted block of time is vital to a well-functioning classroom and to individual children’s development.

Thank You!

Thank you so much for being attentive to on-time arrivals, understanding why having the three-hour work cycle is so important, and considering how you can help. If you would like to meet and brainstorm about routines that can support on-time arrivals, we would be honored to get to strategize with you. When we can meet one-on-one with families to support morning routines, we often find some really creative, healthy, win-win options! It can take time to figure out what is most effective for each child and family. It’s a constantly evolving opportunity and we look forward to the collaboration. Please schedule a time to come in and connect.

Supporting Independent Sleep

In Montessori, we talk a lot about independence because we want to help children in their process of becoming capable young people! For our youngest children, this means supporting them in mastery of basic functions such as eating, toileting, and sleeping. Supporting independent skills in these three areas is pretty significant because these are parts of life where children ultimately have complete control over what does or doesn’t happen. So it makes sense for us to avoid setting up obstacles in these areas and instead help children develop skills that will build up their confidence. 

Our Language Matters

The language we use is indicative of our goals. For example, when children are learning to use the toilet, we make sure our language reflects that process. We aren’t “training” children like we might train a pet. We are helping them learn life skills so they can be well-functioning humans who understand cultural norms. In fact, we even call what we do “toilet learning” because children are learning how to take care of their bodily needs by using the toilet. 

Similarly, when thinking about children and their sleep, we are not “sleep training” like we might crate train a new puppy. Rather, we are supporting children’s natural process of learning how to settle themselves, self-soothe, and eventually fall asleep independently.

Importance of Sleep

With more and more research about the role sleep plays in brain development, growth, and learning, we have a responsibility to educate ourselves about how best to promote healthy sleep hygiene. A 2007 study states “that the most fundamental requirements for healthy growth and development in young children include a) loving support and protection by parents/caretakers, b) adequate nutrition, and c) adequate sleep.” A 2020 review of sleep and early brain development details how “sleep plays a critical role in learning and memory, emotional regulation, and related brain structure development.” Establishing healthy sleep practices in the early years is critical for our children’s development. So how can we best do this?

Focus on Four Factors

In order to help our children have trust in us and strengthen a secure attachment, we need to provide safe boundaries. This includes helping them learn what is acceptable and what isn’t in regard to sleep. Just like we hold boundaries for dental hygiene, we can uphold healthy sleep habits, too!

To promote healthy sleep hygiene, we can focus on four factors: 

• establishing an environment that is conducive to sleep, 

• maintaining regular routines, 

• providing suitable associations for the onset of sleep, and 

• upholding limits while making adjustments throughout childhood.

Sleep Environment

To create a place that is conducive to sleep, it can be helpful to think about our own sleep needs. Are we more likely to fall asleep in a bright, noisy, active environment, or in one that is dark, quiet, and calm? The same applies to our children. A comfortable sleep environment should be dark because sleep hormones are triggered by darkness. Plus, natural and blue-based artificial light stimulates alertness. Black-out blinds or curtains (as well as aluminum foil over the windows in a pinch) help immensely. The designated sleep space, whether a bedroom or other area, should also be calm, quiet, and free of distractions like toys or other interest-provoking items. Finally, it’s best if the room temperature is slightly cooler.

Regular Routines

Our children depend upon us to establish healthy and consistent routines, including times for rest. When children stay up past their nap or bedtime, they can enter into an overtired zone. At this point, they experience a stress response, which leads to the release of adrenaline and cortisol. This influx of chemicals causes a “second wind” and children can become even more energized and awake, despite their intense need for sleep. 

To avoid this vicious cycle, it’s important to learn our children’s sleep window, which is the time it is easiest for the brain to switch to sleep. Children actually give us cues as to when they are in a window for sleep. They might begin to have some difficulty listening, lose focus, or become a little more irritable. Some children may rub their eyes, go for a comfort object, or seek contact with a caregiver. 

Every child is a little different, but when they start to indicate they are in a sleep window, it is time to wrap up the routine. The process should be very simple, for example, pajamas, toileting, teeth, one story, a hug, and a kiss. It’s better for extensive reading and a long bath to happen before the sleep window because these activities can very easily push children past the window of opportunity and lead to them entering the overtired zone. A predictable, simple pre-sleep routine allows children to unwind and feel secure in knowing that sleep is happening next.

Sleep Onset Associations

When children fall asleep, they form associations with the conditions that are present at the time when they actually drift off. So if we rock our children, read to them, or even snuggle in their bed next to them until they fall asleep, our children learn that they need that condition to be present in order to fall asleep. This also means that as children awake slightly during normal sleep cycles, they look for the same conditions they had when they first fell asleep. If children can’t recreate those on their own, they become dependent upon adult intervention, which can then can lead to more frequent night wakings. 

Thus we need our children to go to bed when they are drowsy but still awake, so they can develop appropriate sleep onset associations. We can sing a song, read a book, or rub their back. However, we need to end any of these activities before our children actually fall asleep. We need to leave them while they are heavy-eyed but not yet asleep! Transition objects can help children, too. Some might like a special blanket, doll, or stuffed animal, which they can use to self-soothe as they drift off to sleep.

Limits & Adjustments

Sleep patterns change throughout early childhood and beyond. So while children need us to be consistent, they also need us to understand developmental changes. It can help to use resources like the Sleep Foundation to check on recommended hours of sleep for different developmental stages.

As children get older, they also get more sophisticated in trying to prolong the bedtime routine or keep us engaged when actually we should be stepping out of the process to allow them to fall asleep on their own. Work collaboratively with your child to establish or re-establish the routine (and the limits). Write down the routine and revisit it before bedtime. Stay calm and consistent. 

Children are hard-wired to test the boundaries and are just checking to make sure we are going to stay true to the agreement. If you feel like you are going to break down and not be able to uphold the agreement, find someone who can be your backup or reinforcement. If you are doing bedtime alone, find a friend who you can text or call and who will remind you about staying true to what was established. 

Above all, make sure you are taking care of yourself! If you are sleep-deprived it is much harder to hold limits or think clearly about the long-term goal of helping children become independent and capable young humans. If you ever want to talk or need support, we are happy to help. We love to share resources and support families!

Observation to Instruction

Do you see your child throwing their clothes on the floor in a heap? Maybe leaving things out on the kitchen table? Interrupting during mealtime?

It’s so tempting in these moments to jump in, perhaps correcting or reminding (often for what seems like the umpteenth time). 

One of the keys to a Montessori approach is taking the time to observe what is happening, noting what you see, and waiting for an opportune time to teach what to do rather than what not to do.

Supporting Undeveloped Skills

For example, a Montessori teacher saw that a child new to the classroom was regularly cutting to the front of the line as children prepared to wash their hands. Other children were getting quite upset with this young friend’s tactics to get to the front of the line. 

Instead of reprimanding the child, the Montessori teacher observed that he wasn’t acting maliciously. He just seemed to not yet have or know the skills to line up successfully. At a quiet moment, the teacher connected with the young boy and let him know that when there is a line, we just go to the end of where the line is forming. Grateful for this information on social graces, the child then happily started going to the end of the lines. It turns out the child just didn’t know the expectations!

It can be so tempting to jump in when we see something happening that we don’t like. Yet as long as children aren’t hurting others, their surroundings, or themself, we practice observing and determining what children still need to learn to be successful. 

Observation is Key

The heart of the Montessori method is learning how to observe children in an objective and meaningful way. Adults learn how to look rather than merely see. In order to look without judgment, expectation, or preference, adults work on developing a deep inner awareness. This requires that we observe to understand rather than see something and jump to conclusions. 

Thus Montessori education is focused on the natural emergence of young humans at their own pace. The role of adults is to prepare the environment and support children in their optimal development. In order to do this, we have to become constructive observers. We focus on waiting and observing, rather than intervening right away.

How This Can Work at Home

This is something that we can try at home, too. Perhaps your child is throwing their clothes on the floor in a heap. Rather than scold or lecture in the moment, try taking a deep breath and making yourself a little note to remember to circle back to the undeveloped skill. Later, when everyone is relaxed and content, take the time to connect with your child. Let them know you want to show them how to either put their clothes in the laundry basket or fold and store them for later use. Practice these options together. Finally, thank your child for taking the time with you to learn this skill. 

Or perhaps you can go over the steps to loading dishes in the dishwasher. Or how to wait for a pause in the conversation. The trick is to observe for the need and wait to give instructions. Children want to do well. Often they just need us to observe, pause, and later take the time to show them how to be successful. 

This doesn’t mean that our children will always remember how to do what we’ve shown. Sometimes they’ll need a smile and a gentle reminder. Sometimes they’ll need us to cycle back and demonstrate something again. The key is remembering to observe, rather than reacting in the moment. 

The Montessori Approach

Through observation, Dr. Maria Montessori discovered how children’s character is formed through experiences in the environment, how children adapt to their culture, and how children have sensitive periods for acquiring all sorts of important skills. 

Observation allows us to provide children with opportunities to become competent and capable. Come observe this for yourself! Schedule a tour today!

Looking on the Positive Side

Our brains are hardwired to look for problems and generate solutions. In The Neuroscience of Change, Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, explains how this brain state has been helpful for human evolution so we can improve our state of being. Looking for what’s wrong, however, often prevents us from seeing what is good in the present moment.

Because of our negative bias, we can easily become focused on what children need to do better: pick up their clothes, get ready faster, be quieter, solve math problems better, make less mess, and on and on. As a result, our children can easily be bombarded by what they are not doing right.

Clear Feedback & Encouragement

In Montessori environments, we focus on offering clear, accurate feedback and encouragement, which includes acknowledging children’s work and effort. We want children to develop an internal drive so they can be independent, responsible, thoughtful learners and community members. 

To support this development, our feedback and encouragement are focused on what is happening for children internally. We acknowledge what children might be feeling and the effort involved. Instead of the focus being on what the adult is feeling, we reflect upon children’s experiences. So rather than saying “I’m so proud of you,” we might say “You look very proud,” or “You worked so hard. Congratulations!”

Phrases of encouragement or positive feedback work best when backed up by evidence. For example, “I noticed how your friends looked relieved when you offered to help sweep up the spilled rice. They seemed to really appreciate your kindness.” Or “I saw how you looked frustrated and then how you took a deep breath. You showed a lot of self-control at that moment.”

State the Positive

Developmentally, young children need to hear requests or reminders framed positively. They need to know the expected behavior and they need us to state what we expected to see. If we say, “don’t hit,” young children cannot easily differentiate between the commands “hit” and “don’t hit.” The last word they hear is “hit,” so that is the image that lasts in their minds. Thus, statements like “don’t run” or “don’t hit” aren’t as effective for our young children. 

Rather than saying what not to do, we focus on the behavior we want to see. Statements like “walk, please,” “touch gently,” or “please talk quietly” offer a clear and positive image of what to do. Children hear how to be successful and thus can more easily be successful. 

Catch Them Doing Something Right

In addition to these clear directions, we can recast children’s self-image by acknowledging times they are making a good choice. In doing so we are providing our children with positive attention. All too often children get attention when they are engaged in behaviors we don’t like. Children then quickly learn that they need to act out in some way if they want attention. To counter this trend, we need to catch our children doing something right. 

Building a Foundation

If we are caught in a cycle of only seeing the negative, one way we can change our outlook is to make a list of all the things our children have done right over the course of a day. When we start noticing and acknowledging the good stuff, we help create a positive feedback loop. Young children also love hearing a story about their day that highlights the positive choices they have made. 

In Different Learners, Jane M. Healy, Ph.D., offers a strong reminder about the profound influence we have on our children: “One thing brain research tells us – loud and clear – is that the way we raise and teach our children not only helps shape their brains, but can also influence or even alter the way genes play out their roles.” 

In this season of new growth, let’s offer positive reminders and in-the-moment acknowledgments to help our young people develop successfully. By doing so we will also be helping ourselves see the world in a more positive light. 

We also encourage you to come to visit our school to hear how the adults and children in our community interact with each other in positive ways!

Discipline: The Positive Way

We are often asked about how we handle discipline in Montessori. It’s a great question because we think differently about discipline. Ultimately, we want our children to develop self-discipline and to understand how to balance being an individual within a community. We know that children need to have a sense of belonging and significance; they want to feel and be capable in the world. In the process of learning how to use their power constructively, we understand they will make mistakes along the way. 

In thinking about discipline, it can be helpful to consider how we, as adults, want to be treated when we make a mistake. If we start arriving late for work, for example, how would we want our supervisor to respond? Imagine if we were reprimanded, especially publicly. We might slink into discouragement, feel resentful, or even lash out. Or maybe our supervisor doesn’t hold us to expectations of timeliness and we eventually don’t even feel the need to get to work promptly. However, if our supervisor kindly and quietly reminds us about arrival time expectations, perhaps even checking in about what is going on in our lives, their warmth and understanding can inspire us to do better. 

Our children deserve and need the same kind of respect. They do best when they are encouraged rather than punished or pampered. Yet often we get caught in a cycle with our children. We punish or cajole. Our children rebel, maybe get back at us, or perhaps retreat. Things get worse. We may react and layout more consequences, as if making life more miserable will help our children make better choices. In reality, we are all more likely to do better if someone supports us to figure out what went wrong and how to make things right.

The practice of Positive Discipline aligns well with Montessori philosophy and helps us shift from being punitive or reward-based to being kind and firm at the same time. Positive Discipline is a respectful approach that acknowledges that when children feel worse, they do worse, and when children feel better, they do better.

To balance being kind and firm at the same time, while also ensuring that we are supporting our children in healthy ways, we can listen to what we sound like when we communicate with children. Are we issuing directives or asking for cooperation? Are we forging relationships or cutting off connections? Are we brashly belittling or kindly reminding? 

One way to become more aware of talking with our children rather than to our children is to practice the Positive Discipline principle of connection before correction. Connection before correction means that we focus on creating closeness and trust instead of distance and hostility. If we notice a child has left their coat on the floor, it’s most effective to first connect with them in a loving way before reminding them to clean up after themselves. 

Basic brain science explains why this is the case. Scolding, nagging, lecturing, blaming, shaming, yelling – all cause the recipient’s brain to shift into “flight, fright, or freeze” mode. Children (and adults, too) function best when they feel safe, trusted, and accepted. 

Connection before correction can be as simple as first getting to a child’s eye level and smiling before addressing the need at hand. Or perhaps it’s saying, “I love you, and the answer is no.” 

Other ways of making a connection include active listening, spending special time together, validating feelings, asking questions, and giving hugs. Effective connections are made when everyone involved feels significance and belonging. 

When children feel a connection, their sense of belonging and significance increases. Often this connection is enough to stop misbehavior and facilitate cooperation. The real bonus is that when we take the time to first connect rather than correct, we actually end up feeling better ourselves. Everyone benefits. 

Positive discipline practices are an essential component of how Montessori communities function so effectively. We would love for you to come to visit our school and see how we are kind and firm at the same time, how we practice connection before correction, and how we see mistakes as opportunities to learn. Schedule a tour to learn more!

Time for Togetherness

During the holiday season, we can unintentionally become a bit edgy or stressed. Routines change. We might travel or have out-of-town guests. While our children may feel excited about the holidays, they also can feel the changes in family routines or shifts in family dynamics. 

If we are getting together with extended family or friends—no matter how loving, patient, and well-meaning—having additional people mixed into the scene, especially during the holiday season, can add additional layers of stress. Often our children absorb this unspoken stress and their behavior may shift as a result.

Perhaps we see more meltdowns, an uptick in neediness, an increase in whining, more resistance, or a surge in sibling conflict. If our children start to show attention-getting behavior, we can remember that they are sending an important message about unmet needs. It’s like they are waving a red flag to indicate we should shift our focus!

Step 1: Connection

The first step is connection. Children want to feel a sense of significance and belonging. So even a few minutes of loving attention can refuel children who are feeling disconnected. Depending upon their age, this could mean snuggling together on the couch, collaborating on coloring a picture, taking the dog for a walk together, or shooting hoops. The most important thing is that the focus is on being together without distractions. 

Step 2: Preparation

Once we’ve established that connection and our children feel secure and satisfied, we can discuss changes that occur during the holidays. Will bedtimes be different? What will shift about meals together? What kinds of activities will likely happen?

In preparing ourselves and our children for time with extended family and friends or changes to expect during the holidays, we can consciously reflect together about what routines will shift, what traditions we want to honor, and what joys and challenges the time may bring. 

Our children like to be prepared and have a sense of what to expect. Involving them in the discussion, planning, and preparation can alleviate not only their anxiety but also our own angst. 

Mapping out the days on a family calendar provides a visual guide for the changes in routine. A whiteboard works well, easily allowing for modifications if the plans become overwhelming. Take time to have conversations about what activities are most enjoyable for everyone. Then cut back on those that are not essential. 

Step 3: Mindful Involvement

When we are in the midst of being amongst friends and extended family, the experience of collecting snippets and stories of favorite holiday experiences can be a bonding experience for everyone. Part of the ritual of coming back together around the holidays can include sharing, and even documenting, different memories of past times together. This kind of sharing offers everyone a way to reorient and reunite. The recollections can even be collected in a kind of family memory book that can be pulled out when everyone gets back together again. 

Children and relatives also want to help. Intentionally enlisting extended family to support children’s involvement can create a win-win for everyone. Some possible collaborative activities include food preparation (scrubbing potatoes, mixing dough, tearing lettuce for a salad), making simple decorations, setting the table, folding the laundry, and even dusting and tidying. We all feel more settled when we feel useful and engaged.

This holiday season we have an opportunity to consciously create new rituals and opportunities for our children, our friends, and our extended families. Rather than rely upon old patterns perhaps learned from previous generations, let’s plan our time of togetherness and mindfully prepare ourselves and our children.

Mutual Respect & Making Deposits

Montessori classrooms depend upon a web of mutual respect. This culture of respect is established from the very beginning: from how the classroom is arranged and sized for the children, to how we greet each other at the start of the day, to how the adults refrain from interrupting children’s concentration. Dr. Maria Montessori emphasized that, as adults, we must have the utmost respect for children, because they are in the process of constructing themselves and are the hope for the future of humankind. 

Mutual respect does require maintenance, though. As Montessorians, we are always tending to the emotional environment of the community. One way we do this is by continual practice of different ways we can show grace and courtesy toward each other and our surroundings. We do know, however, that situations arise when tensions start to run high, misunderstandings proliferate, and irritation takes over. We are all human, after all.

Because it’s helpful to have some support when things start to fray, we thought we’d share a strategy that can be helpful when frustrations, fallings-out, or rifts are on the rise.

First, imagine a scenario in which there is a small slight. A look from across the room. A forgotten request. Not listening to what is being said.

Usually, this isn’t such a big deal. However, if we are feeling particularly annoyed or frustrated by something that happened previously, we might mutter about how we can’t believe so and so did that again, how could they look at us like that, how they never pay attention, and on and on.

Our response tells a lot about how we are feeling about the other person involved.

If we find ourselves in a situation where a progression of misunderstandings and misinterpretations is causing a rupture, it can be a good time to pause and consider the concept of an emotional or relationship bank account. 

Dr. Stephen R. Covey explores the idea of an emotional bank account in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, and Sean Covey introduces the relationship bank account in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens. The essence of this “bank account” is that we have different connections with the people in our lives, and between each of us we have an unseen measure of how we are connecting. We can visualize that measure as a bank account. Just like with a bank account, we can make deposits or withdrawals.

When we greet a co-worker in the morning with a smile and a compliment, we are making a deposit. Over time, with lots of deposits, a large cushion of goodwill is created in our relationship bank account. When a large cushion is there, our co-worker is likely to be understanding when one morning we scowl and barely mumble, “morning.” They might wonder if we are okay and want to do something to help us feel better.

But let’s imagine that instead of making regular deposits into our relationship bank account, we have either not taken the time for a kind greeting, or perhaps have been complaining about something they’ve done. These little acts end up draining our relationship bank account, like multiple small withdrawals, until there is little to no cushion of goodwill between us. If that’s the case, when we scowl and mumble, “morning,” the other person might react with anger and frustration, fed up with our attitude and ready to retaliate.

In simple terms, our relationship or emotional bank account is like a cup that gets filled or emptied. 

When exploring this idea with young children, it can be helpful to draw or get a real cup, fill it up while imagining different acts of goodwill, then empty it while exploring little thoughtless or unkind acts. Children love to brainstorm different ways to fill the cup, perhaps even creating a poster or drawing together to have a visual reminder.

Older children are often intrigued by the connection to a financial bank account. Even the logical exploration of deposits and withdraws can help older children shift out of the emotional centers of their brains, which then allows them to approach a potentially tense situation with more calm and clarity.

If your children would benefit from a graphic image of making deposits or filling a cup, or what it looks like when lots of withdraws mean we don’t have a buffer of goodwill, feel free to download this image of a graduated cylinder to use to show filling or emptying our emotional bank account. Sometimes having a visual really helps solidify the concept for children.

Really, though, we can use this strategy in all of our relationships. When we can think about the little acts of kindness, honesty, patience, and unconditional love and acceptance as being ways to build up our relationship bank accounts, we can more easily shift gears in how we relate.

Ultimately, this practice can allow us to become more mindful of the actions between us. We can look across the room with warmth. We can acknowledge a mistake and work to make amends. We can listen with acceptance.

When we make deposits, we connect and cultivate goodwill. These deposits happen on a regular basis in Montessori classrooms. We invite you to come to visit our school to experience this mutual respect for yourself!

The Power and Potential of Sleep

We work so hard to provide the best for our children. When they are young, we may try to find innovative toys, sign up for parent-infant programs, or research brain-boosting foods. As they get older, we might enroll them in enrichment programs, pursue assessments, or invest in tutors. But what if the best thing we could do was completely free, within our own household, and could provide a lifetime of benefits?

More and more research reveals the purpose of sleep and the importance of getting enough of it. Sleep provides the power behind a multitude of important aspects of our lives, especially for our children. Sleep not only enriches the ability to learn, memorize, think logically, and consider choices, but also provides emotional recalibration and allows for inspiration and creativity. Furthermore, in addition to a slew of physical and mental health benefits, sleep allows the immune system to work most effectively.

Here’s the surprising thing, though: our children typically aren’t getting enough of it (and neither are we!). 

A 2014 poll conducted by the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) shows that the majority of school-aged children aren’t getting the recommended amount of sleep (although over 70% of parents believe they do). 

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) also reports that 25% of children under age five don’t get adequate sleep.

Why does this matter? 

In Montessori, we believe in understanding the whole child as a developing human being. We prepare learning environments to meet the needs and characteristics that children have at each stage of development. We carefully observe how children are interacting with each other and their surroundings. We also partner with families to support children in achieving their full potential. Understanding the role sleep plays in this development is critical.

Cognitive Ability

In Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams, sleep researcher Matthew Walker, Ph.D., describes that “a tired, under-slept brain is little more than a leaky memory sieve, in no state to receive, absorb, or efficiently retain an education.” If we want our young people to have the most benefit from their learning experiences, it’s essential to consider the role that sleep has in brain development. A lack of sleep prevents the formation of lasting memories. Whereas a full night of sleep allows the brain to continue to improve skill memories (e.g. playing a section of music on the piano) even without further practice. “Sleeping on it” is just the thing our children need!

Emotional Regulation

On an anecdotal level, we know how our children can be cranky and irritable after a bad night’s sleep. Studies have also confirmed how sleep deprivation affects the emotional centers of the brain. Basically, without enough sleep, our brains revert to very primitive patterns of reactivity. In this state, it’s hard to understand the broader context of a particular event or action, which can lead to inappropriate emotional reactions. The sleep-deprived brain experiences dramatic mood swings and the rational control centers of the brain essentially lose control. It makes sense then, how lack of sleep can lead to aggression, bullying, and behavioral challenges in children across a range of ages.  

Symptoms

In addition to these behavioral problems, sleep deficiency symptoms in children can appear as an inability to maintain focus and attention, distractibility, irritability, moodiness, and even depression. Often, we see these symptoms but don’t consider the role that sleep (or lack thereof) might be playing in children’s lives. To further complicate matters, the symptoms of sleep deficiency can look a lot like ADHD symptoms. 

With all this in mind, it’s worth taking a pause when children are exhibiting challenging behaviors, bumping up against intellectual or academic challenges, or struggling socially or emotionally. Before jumping to other conclusions, we should be asking if they are getting enough sleep.

Connection 

We care about your child’s development and want to partner with you to provide your child with the best environment for their growth and learning. Come see how we consider the whole child and work with families as partners!

To Learn More

For more information about how much sleep is needed at each stage of development, visit The National Sleep Foundation.

For information about healthy sleep hygiene for children visit Sleep Foundation.

And if you want to learn more about the science behind sleep, be sure to read Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams, by Matthew Walker, Ph.D.

Toothbrushing for Toddlers!

In Montessori, we put a lot of emphasis on young children learning basic self-care skills. A big part of self-care is something we do every day, at least twice a day: brushing our teeth! This is a tricky one, though, because we want to teach independence while also ensuring that our children’s teeth are clean and cavity-free.

Because COVID has brought about some shifts in the practical life activities that traditionally happen in our early childhood classrooms, we thought we would combine a “materials spotlight” with a little “how to at home.” 

It’s important to remember that when we introduce toothbrushing, we are not only helping young children develop lifelong oral hygiene habits, but we are also helping them develop a sense of capability. As parents and caregivers, we partner in the process so that years later our children haven’t become dependent upon us for a necessary skill. 

In showing and supporting toothbrushing, we want to really isolate and slow down each part of the process. As adults, we often move quickly through the activity. We don’t have to think about the separate steps of what we are doing, because we can rely upon habit and muscle memory. Young children, however, are consciously working through each component. Thus, we have to be very intentional about demonstrating the procedure. In the process, we also highlight what we call “points of interest” which are like little benchmarks that focus children’s attention and help them remember key components.

As with all practical life activities, we want the experience to be meaningful and embedded in a real-life context. Thus, we introduce toothbrushing when it makes sense: after eating!

After enjoying a snack or a meal, we invite a child to the sink to brush their teeth. We often make a point of noticing that we have just eaten and want to clean our teeth, so the child makes the connection of why we are going to use a toothbrush. 

Small travel-size toothbrushes work well for children. The toothbrushes can have a case or small enclosure for the toothbrush head and some way to designate which brush belongs to which child (such as a photo of the child). We start by modeling taking our own toothbrush out of the holder and placing it on an empty tray. 

Depending upon the child and their age, we might have the child try each step right after we show it. Or if the child is a little older, we may show a series of steps and then invite the child to try. One of the gifts of Montessori is that we can tailor each activity to a child’s needs and temperament. 

After the child takes their toothbrush and puts it on the tray, the adult selects a toothpaste container and shows how to open and close it. Because we want the child to only use a small amount of toothpaste, it can be helpful to prepare individual portions of toothpaste. Contact lens holders work quite well for this. 

After demonstrating how to select, then open and close the toothpaste container, the adult places it on the tray with their toothbrush and invites the child to select their own toothpaste container, open and close it, then place it on the tray. One critical detail is closing the toothpaste container. We aren’t ready to use the toothpaste yet, so having the container closed helps communicate that we aren’t ready to use toothpaste. We are just making sure that the child knows how to access the toothpaste.

At this point we are getting everything set up, so we want to have the layout prepared for all the steps, including rising our mouths with water after toothbrushing. In the classroom setting, we’ll often have a small pitcher of water and small glasses turned upside down, but at home often just a small glass will suffice. Ideally, the glasses look different from regular drinking glasses because this water will be used for rising rather than drinking. Because this process often happens in the bathroom, small stainless-steel cups work well. Regardless, we next select a glass or cup and pour a small amount of water from the pitcher into it so that the cup is about 1/4 full. We place the cup on the tray with our toothbrush and invite the child to pour water into their own cup and place it on the tray.

Now that everything is set up, we open the toothpaste container and leave it open on the tray. We pick up our toothbrush and wipe bristles into toothpaste. It can be helpful to show how to hold the toothpaste container with one hand while getting toothpaste on the bristles of the brush.

We then place the toothbrush down on the tray and use both hands to close the toothpaste container. The child can also have a turn preparing their toothbrush with toothpaste.

The materials are ready, so it is time to demonstrate brushing teeth! This is best done slowly and with a wide-open mouth. We start on one side, perhaps the left, brushing our top teeth with clear, deliberate downward strokes. We then pause and brush underneath those top teeth. Pausing again, we then move to the back of our left top teeth with downward strokes. Staying on the same side, we brush our left bottom teeth with upward strokes, then the tops of those teeth, then the backs. We pause between each section and repeat on our right side. 

At the end, we brush our tongue lightly. Then we place our toothbrush onto the tray. With almost a bit of exaggeration, we make sure the child sees that we need to spit the toothpaste into the sink. After ridding our mouth of the excess toothpaste, we then pick up the glass and take some water into our mouth. We swish the water around and around and then spit right into the center of the sink, repeating if necessary. It’s nice to also have a small cloth or hand towel to model drying our mouth after this process.

We rinse the toothbrush under the faucet for a few seconds and tap the toothbrush on the side of the sink to get excess water off the brush. Then we invite the child to have a turn with the toothbrushing, spitting, and rising.

At the end, we return our toothbrush to its holder. One at a time we take the used items, the toothpaste container and the cup, to the dirty dish cart to be washed. After the child takes their used items to the dirty dish cart, or at home perhaps another appropriate place, we invite them to brush their teeth whenever they would like to clean their teeth.

Depending upon the child’s engagement while presenting this activity, we may determine different points of interest by using a pause, slightly exaggerating the movement, or merely showing our own intense interest. Some possible points of engagement for toothbrushing can include getting toothpaste on the toothbrush, the downward or upward brushing strokes, swishing water to rinse our mouth, spitting into the sink, or tapping the toothbrush on the side of the sink.

In a school setting, the adult will model and allow the child to practice brushing teeth independently. At home, it’s also best to establish an understanding that at key times, for example in the morning and in the evening, the adult will be taking a turn to help ensure the child’s teeth are clean. For example, during the evening routine, the child gets a chance to clean their teeth, and then they know you, as a parent or caregiver, will then do a final toothbrushing for them. This can be done by putting your hand over the child’s and continuing the brushing process after the child is done, or by just asking the child to hand you their toothbrush when they are done so that you can have a turn brushing their teeth.

The important thing to remember is that we want to support young children as they build the manual dexterity necessary for this important self-care skill. Just like we wouldn’t do all the coloring for them when they want to use crayons, we don’t want to do all the toothbrushing for them when they are learning to use the toothbrush. We want to give the message that they are capable and can practice cleaning their teeth. At home, we also want to make sure they understand that because dental hygiene is so important, we will also have a turn making sure their teeth are clean.

We hope you have great success at home! Let us know how it goes. And if you need some inspiration, you are always welcome to schedule a tour to see how we support children’s development of self-care skills, as well as their sense of capability.