Time for Togetherness

During the holiday season, we can unintentionally become a bit edgy or stressed. Routines change. We might travel or have out-of-town guests. While our children may feel excited about the holidays, they also can feel the changes in family routines or shifts in family dynamics. 

If we are getting together with extended family or friends—no matter how loving, patient, and well-meaning—having additional people mixed into the scene, especially during the holiday season, can add additional layers of stress. Often our children absorb this unspoken stress and their behavior may shift as a result.

Perhaps we see more meltdowns, an uptick in neediness, an increase in whining, more resistance, or a surge in sibling conflict. If our children start to show attention-getting behavior, we can remember that they are sending an important message about unmet needs. It’s like they are waving a red flag to indicate we should shift our focus!

Step 1: Connection

The first step is connection. Children want to feel a sense of significance and belonging. So even a few minutes of loving attention can refuel children who are feeling disconnected. Depending upon their age, this could mean snuggling together on the couch, collaborating on coloring a picture, taking the dog for a walk together, or shooting hoops. The most important thing is that the focus is on being together without distractions. 

Step 2: Preparation

Once we’ve established that connection and our children feel secure and satisfied, we can discuss changes that occur during the holidays. Will bedtimes be different? What will shift about meals together? What kinds of activities will likely happen?

In preparing ourselves and our children for time with extended family and friends or changes to expect during the holidays, we can consciously reflect together about what routines will shift, what traditions we want to honor, and what joys and challenges the time may bring. 

Our children like to be prepared and have a sense of what to expect. Involving them in the discussion, planning, and preparation can alleviate not only their anxiety but also our own angst. 

Mapping out the days on a family calendar provides a visual guide for the changes in routine. A whiteboard works well, easily allowing for modifications if the plans become overwhelming. Take time to have conversations about what activities are most enjoyable for everyone. Then cut back on those that are not essential. 

Step 3: Mindful Involvement

When we are in the midst of being amongst friends and extended family, the experience of collecting snippets and stories of favorite holiday experiences can be a bonding experience for everyone. Part of the ritual of coming back together around the holidays can include sharing, and even documenting, different memories of past times together. This kind of sharing offers everyone a way to reorient and reunite. The recollections can even be collected in a kind of family memory book that can be pulled out when everyone gets back together again. 

Children and relatives also want to help. Intentionally enlisting extended family to support children’s involvement can create a win-win for everyone. Some possible collaborative activities include food preparation (scrubbing potatoes, mixing dough, tearing lettuce for a salad), making simple decorations, setting the table, folding the laundry, and even dusting and tidying. We all feel more settled when we feel useful and engaged.

This holiday season we have an opportunity to consciously create new rituals and opportunities for our children, our friends, and our extended families. Rather than rely upon old patterns perhaps learned from previous generations, let’s plan our time of togetherness and mindfully prepare ourselves and our children.

Mutual Respect & Making Deposits

Montessori classrooms depend upon a web of mutual respect. This culture of respect is established from the very beginning: from how the classroom is arranged and sized for the children, to how we greet each other at the start of the day, to how the adults refrain from interrupting children’s concentration. Dr. Maria Montessori emphasized that, as adults, we must have the utmost respect for children, because they are in the process of constructing themselves and are the hope for the future of humankind. 

Mutual respect does require maintenance, though. As Montessorians, we are always tending to the emotional environment of the community. One way we do this is by continual practice of different ways we can show grace and courtesy toward each other and our surroundings. We do know, however, that situations arise when tensions start to run high, misunderstandings proliferate, and irritation takes over. We are all human, after all.

Because it’s helpful to have some support when things start to fray, we thought we’d share a strategy that can be helpful when frustrations, fallings-out, or rifts are on the rise.

First, imagine a scenario in which there is a small slight. A look from across the room. A forgotten request. Not listening to what is being said.

Usually, this isn’t such a big deal. However, if we are feeling particularly annoyed or frustrated by something that happened previously, we might mutter about how we can’t believe so and so did that again, how could they look at us like that, how they never pay attention, and on and on.

Our response tells a lot about how we are feeling about the other person involved.

If we find ourselves in a situation where a progression of misunderstandings and misinterpretations is causing a rupture, it can be a good time to pause and consider the concept of an emotional or relationship bank account. 

Dr. Stephen R. Covey explores the idea of an emotional bank account in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, and Sean Covey introduces the relationship bank account in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens. The essence of this “bank account” is that we have different connections with the people in our lives, and between each of us we have an unseen measure of how we are connecting. We can visualize that measure as a bank account. Just like with a bank account, we can make deposits or withdrawals.

When we greet a co-worker in the morning with a smile and a compliment, we are making a deposit. Over time, with lots of deposits, a large cushion of goodwill is created in our relationship bank account. When a large cushion is there, our co-worker is likely to be understanding when one morning we scowl and barely mumble, “morning.” They might wonder if we are okay and want to do something to help us feel better.

But let’s imagine that instead of making regular deposits into our relationship bank account, we have either not taken the time for a kind greeting, or perhaps have been complaining about something they’ve done. These little acts end up draining our relationship bank account, like multiple small withdrawals, until there is little to no cushion of goodwill between us. If that’s the case, when we scowl and mumble, “morning,” the other person might react with anger and frustration, fed up with our attitude and ready to retaliate.

In simple terms, our relationship or emotional bank account is like a cup that gets filled or emptied. 

When exploring this idea with young children, it can be helpful to draw or get a real cup, fill it up while imagining different acts of goodwill, then empty it while exploring little thoughtless or unkind acts. Children love to brainstorm different ways to fill the cup, perhaps even creating a poster or drawing together to have a visual reminder.

Older children are often intrigued by the connection to a financial bank account. Even the logical exploration of deposits and withdraws can help older children shift out of the emotional centers of their brains, which then allows them to approach a potentially tense situation with more calm and clarity.

If your children would benefit from a graphic image of making deposits or filling a cup, or what it looks like when lots of withdraws mean we don’t have a buffer of goodwill, feel free to download this image of a graduated cylinder to use to show filling or emptying our emotional bank account. Sometimes having a visual really helps solidify the concept for children.

Really, though, we can use this strategy in all of our relationships. When we can think about the little acts of kindness, honesty, patience, and unconditional love and acceptance as being ways to build up our relationship bank accounts, we can more easily shift gears in how we relate.

Ultimately, this practice can allow us to become more mindful of the actions between us. We can look across the room with warmth. We can acknowledge a mistake and work to make amends. We can listen with acceptance.

When we make deposits, we connect and cultivate goodwill. These deposits happen on a regular basis in Montessori classrooms. We invite you to come to visit our school to experience this mutual respect for yourself!

The Power and Potential of Sleep

We work so hard to provide the best for our children. When they are young, we may try to find innovative toys, sign up for parent-infant programs, or research brain-boosting foods. As they get older, we might enroll them in enrichment programs, pursue assessments, or invest in tutors. But what if the best thing we could do was completely free, within our own household, and could provide a lifetime of benefits?

More and more research reveals the purpose of sleep and the importance of getting enough of it. Sleep provides the power behind a multitude of important aspects of our lives, especially for our children. Sleep not only enriches the ability to learn, memorize, think logically, and consider choices, but also provides emotional recalibration and allows for inspiration and creativity. Furthermore, in addition to a slew of physical and mental health benefits, sleep allows the immune system to work most effectively.

Here’s the surprising thing, though: our children typically aren’t getting enough of it (and neither are we!). 

A 2014 poll conducted by the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) shows that the majority of school-aged children aren’t getting the recommended amount of sleep (although over 70% of parents believe they do). 

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) also reports that 25% of children under age five don’t get adequate sleep.

Why does this matter? 

In Montessori, we believe in understanding the whole child as a developing human being. We prepare learning environments to meet the needs and characteristics that children have at each stage of development. We carefully observe how children are interacting with each other and their surroundings. We also partner with families to support children in achieving their full potential. Understanding the role sleep plays in this development is critical.

Cognitive Ability

In Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams, sleep researcher Matthew Walker, Ph.D., describes that “a tired, under-slept brain is little more than a leaky memory sieve, in no state to receive, absorb, or efficiently retain an education.” If we want our young people to have the most benefit from their learning experiences, it’s essential to consider the role that sleep has in brain development. A lack of sleep prevents the formation of lasting memories. Whereas a full night of sleep allows the brain to continue to improve skill memories (e.g. playing a section of music on the piano) even without further practice. “Sleeping on it” is just the thing our children need!

Emotional Regulation

On an anecdotal level, we know how our children can be cranky and irritable after a bad night’s sleep. Studies have also confirmed how sleep deprivation affects the emotional centers of the brain. Basically, without enough sleep, our brains revert to very primitive patterns of reactivity. In this state, it’s hard to understand the broader context of a particular event or action, which can lead to inappropriate emotional reactions. The sleep-deprived brain experiences dramatic mood swings and the rational control centers of the brain essentially lose control. It makes sense then, how lack of sleep can lead to aggression, bullying, and behavioral challenges in children across a range of ages.  

Symptoms

In addition to these behavioral problems, sleep deficiency symptoms in children can appear as an inability to maintain focus and attention, distractibility, irritability, moodiness, and even depression. Often, we see these symptoms but don’t consider the role that sleep (or lack thereof) might be playing in children’s lives. To further complicate matters, the symptoms of sleep deficiency can look a lot like ADHD symptoms. 

With all this in mind, it’s worth taking a pause when children are exhibiting challenging behaviors, bumping up against intellectual or academic challenges, or struggling socially or emotionally. Before jumping to other conclusions, we should be asking if they are getting enough sleep.

Connection 

We care about your child’s development and want to partner with you to provide your child with the best environment for their growth and learning. Come see how we consider the whole child and work with families as partners!

To Learn More

For more information about how much sleep is needed at each stage of development, visit The National Sleep Foundation.

For information about healthy sleep hygiene for children visit Sleep Foundation.

And if you want to learn more about the science behind sleep, be sure to read Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams, by Matthew Walker, Ph.D.

Toothbrushing for Toddlers!

In Montessori, we put a lot of emphasis on young children learning basic self-care skills. A big part of self-care is something we do every day, at least twice a day: brushing our teeth! This is a tricky one, though, because we want to teach independence while also ensuring that our children’s teeth are clean and cavity-free.

Because COVID has brought about some shifts in the practical life activities that traditionally happen in our early childhood classrooms, we thought we would combine a “materials spotlight” with a little “how to at home.” 

It’s important to remember that when we introduce toothbrushing, we are not only helping young children develop lifelong oral hygiene habits, but we are also helping them develop a sense of capability. As parents and caregivers, we partner in the process so that years later our children haven’t become dependent upon us for a necessary skill. 

In showing and supporting toothbrushing, we want to really isolate and slow down each part of the process. As adults, we often move quickly through the activity. We don’t have to think about the separate steps of what we are doing, because we can rely upon habit and muscle memory. Young children, however, are consciously working through each component. Thus, we have to be very intentional about demonstrating the procedure. In the process, we also highlight what we call “points of interest” which are like little benchmarks that focus children’s attention and help them remember key components.

As with all practical life activities, we want the experience to be meaningful and embedded in a real-life context. Thus, we introduce toothbrushing when it makes sense: after eating!

After enjoying a snack or a meal, we invite a child to the sink to brush their teeth. We often make a point of noticing that we have just eaten and want to clean our teeth, so the child makes the connection of why we are going to use a toothbrush. 

Small travel-size toothbrushes work well for children. The toothbrushes can have a case or small enclosure for the toothbrush head and some way to designate which brush belongs to which child (such as a photo of the child). We start by modeling taking our own toothbrush out of the holder and placing it on an empty tray. 

Depending upon the child and their age, we might have the child try each step right after we show it. Or if the child is a little older, we may show a series of steps and then invite the child to try. One of the gifts of Montessori is that we can tailor each activity to a child’s needs and temperament. 

After the child takes their toothbrush and puts it on the tray, the adult selects a toothpaste container and shows how to open and close it. Because we want the child to only use a small amount of toothpaste, it can be helpful to prepare individual portions of toothpaste. Contact lens holders work quite well for this. 

After demonstrating how to select, then open and close the toothpaste container, the adult places it on the tray with their toothbrush and invites the child to select their own toothpaste container, open and close it, then place it on the tray. One critical detail is closing the toothpaste container. We aren’t ready to use the toothpaste yet, so having the container closed helps communicate that we aren’t ready to use toothpaste. We are just making sure that the child knows how to access the toothpaste.

At this point we are getting everything set up, so we want to have the layout prepared for all the steps, including rising our mouths with water after toothbrushing. In the classroom setting, we’ll often have a small pitcher of water and small glasses turned upside down, but at home often just a small glass will suffice. Ideally, the glasses look different from regular drinking glasses because this water will be used for rising rather than drinking. Because this process often happens in the bathroom, small stainless-steel cups work well. Regardless, we next select a glass or cup and pour a small amount of water from the pitcher into it so that the cup is about 1/4 full. We place the cup on the tray with our toothbrush and invite the child to pour water into their own cup and place it on the tray.

Now that everything is set up, we open the toothpaste container and leave it open on the tray. We pick up our toothbrush and wipe bristles into toothpaste. It can be helpful to show how to hold the toothpaste container with one hand while getting toothpaste on the bristles of the brush.

We then place the toothbrush down on the tray and use both hands to close the toothpaste container. The child can also have a turn preparing their toothbrush with toothpaste.

The materials are ready, so it is time to demonstrate brushing teeth! This is best done slowly and with a wide-open mouth. We start on one side, perhaps the left, brushing our top teeth with clear, deliberate downward strokes. We then pause and brush underneath those top teeth. Pausing again, we then move to the back of our left top teeth with downward strokes. Staying on the same side, we brush our left bottom teeth with upward strokes, then the tops of those teeth, then the backs. We pause between each section and repeat on our right side. 

At the end, we brush our tongue lightly. Then we place our toothbrush onto the tray. With almost a bit of exaggeration, we make sure the child sees that we need to spit the toothpaste into the sink. After ridding our mouth of the excess toothpaste, we then pick up the glass and take some water into our mouth. We swish the water around and around and then spit right into the center of the sink, repeating if necessary. It’s nice to also have a small cloth or hand towel to model drying our mouth after this process.

We rinse the toothbrush under the faucet for a few seconds and tap the toothbrush on the side of the sink to get excess water off the brush. Then we invite the child to have a turn with the toothbrushing, spitting, and rising.

At the end, we return our toothbrush to its holder. One at a time we take the used items, the toothpaste container and the cup, to the dirty dish cart to be washed. After the child takes their used items to the dirty dish cart, or at home perhaps another appropriate place, we invite them to brush their teeth whenever they would like to clean their teeth.

Depending upon the child’s engagement while presenting this activity, we may determine different points of interest by using a pause, slightly exaggerating the movement, or merely showing our own intense interest. Some possible points of engagement for toothbrushing can include getting toothpaste on the toothbrush, the downward or upward brushing strokes, swishing water to rinse our mouth, spitting into the sink, or tapping the toothbrush on the side of the sink.

In a school setting, the adult will model and allow the child to practice brushing teeth independently. At home, it’s also best to establish an understanding that at key times, for example in the morning and in the evening, the adult will be taking a turn to help ensure the child’s teeth are clean. For example, during the evening routine, the child gets a chance to clean their teeth, and then they know you, as a parent or caregiver, will then do a final toothbrushing for them. This can be done by putting your hand over the child’s and continuing the brushing process after the child is done, or by just asking the child to hand you their toothbrush when they are done so that you can have a turn brushing their teeth.

The important thing to remember is that we want to support young children as they build the manual dexterity necessary for this important self-care skill. Just like we wouldn’t do all the coloring for them when they want to use crayons, we don’t want to do all the toothbrushing for them when they are learning to use the toothbrush. We want to give the message that they are capable and can practice cleaning their teeth. At home, we also want to make sure they understand that because dental hygiene is so important, we will also have a turn making sure their teeth are clean.

We hope you have great success at home! Let us know how it goes. And if you need some inspiration, you are always welcome to schedule a tour to see how we support children’s development of self-care skills, as well as their sense of capability.

Shifting from Summer to School

Transitioning from Summer to School

Although it can be hard to think about the end of summer days and the return to routine, there is value to getting back into a consistent schedule. Steady, well-thought-out routines help our children develop good habits that can last a lifetime. In addition, the consistency of routines can decrease stress, ease anxiety, and reduce irritability (for both children and parents!). 

Ideally, the transition from summer to the school year can happen gradually so your child can gently adjust to the skills and schedules that will allow for a smooth start on the first day. Here are a few things to consider as you begin this shift.

Casual Conversation & Calendars

We’ve found that it helps to begin by casually talking about the start of school. While out shopping, you can notice aloud how stores have back-to-school items and comment about how it’s almost time for the school year to begin. Because young children live in the present, it is important to keep the time frame general.

If you do talk about school with your child, it’s best to try not to build up false expectations about what they will do in school. Modeling curiosity and openness can go a long way. If you drive by a school, for example, you can wonder aloud: “I wonder what children in this school do after they walk in the door.” Or “I’m so curious about what kinds of activities children enjoy doing during their school day.”

Older children who have a solid concept of linear time can benefit from having a family calendar that is visible to everyone. They might want to mark off a countdown to the first day, or help set some benchmarks for getting back into a normal sleep schedule. 

Sleep Routines

One of the hardest parts of coming out of vacation mode can be shifting back into a school sleep schedule. Rather than just expecting that everyone will adjust on the first day, it’s best to gradually transition into the school-year bedtime and wake-up routine. 

If late bedtimes have become the norm, it can be most effective to start the process about 10 to 14 days prior to the first day of school. First determine what time your child will need to wake up in order to have a peaceful, unhurried morning. You can then start waking your child up a little earlier each morning. In addition, you’ll want to have bedtime begin a little earlier each night. Making these changes in 15-minute increments works best. The goal is for your child to begin getting up rested and refreshed at the wake-up time you’ve determined. 

We recommend establishing an age-appropriate bedtime and sleep routine. Having a calm mind at bedtime and developing good sleep habits, has long-term benefits for your child. For more information visit the Sleep Foundation. 

Morning Routines

Having enough time for a calm, consistent morning routine decreases stress and anxiety for everyone. Plus, children really appreciate having some ownership over the process. 

To prepare, you can make sure your child has clothing and shoes that are easy to put on and take off. For younger children, you can have two outfit options available so they can choose what they want to wear. Older children can select their clothes the night before and lay them out for the next morning. 

It can also help to collaborate with your child to create a visual schedule of what needs to happen each morning: getting up and out of bed, getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth, preparing lunch and snacks, etc. You can add images to the schedule and even turn it into a checklist. If you laminate the schedule or checklist, children may appreciate using a dry erase marker to check off each item they have completed.

Preparing Snacks & Lunch

Having snacks and lunch prepared ahead of time can ease a great deal of morning stress. Even the youngest children can help get their snack and lunch food ready. Sometimes having everything ready the night before is easiest, so all children need to do is put containers in their lunch bags to be ready to head out the door. That being said, with enough advance preparation and plenty of time built into the morning schedule, preparing lunch and snacks can easily happen in the morning. 

To support children in making their own lunches, we just need to make sure to have some healthy options prepared and accessible. This can mean having a low section of the cupboard or refrigerator designated for child-friendly snacks and lunch options. You can do some minimal food prep–like hard-boiling and peeling eggs, slicing up chicken breast, or chopping vegetables–and then have the items ready in small, easy-to-open containers.

If you pack your own lunch alongside your child, you can also model choosing healthy foods and serving sizes. 

Stay Organized

Your child (and you) benefit from a sense of order and predictability. Thus, we recommend dedicating and preparing a space in your home for all school necessities, such as backpacks, lunch bags, shoes, etc. Ideally, this space for school items is attractive and child-sized. Having low hooks or a small shelf near the door can allow your child to develop a strong sense of capability and independence. 

Even before school begins, you can practice coming home and putting everything where it belongs. Your child can be in charge of hanging their backpack on a low hook and even putting their lunch containers in the sink or dishwasher. 

If the space gets a little disheveled, you can take a few minutes together with your child to tidy up the items and appreciate how much better things feel when everything is in its place. 

The transition from summer to school year can be an opportunity to establish teamwork and collaboration with your child. So that your child can be an active participant in the process and so that you don’t end up taking on all the stress, remember to ease into the new routines, allow time and space to prepare consistent systems, and provide just enough support for your child to experience some independence and success in the process. The result? Healthy habits and a more peaceful practice for everyone. 

Want a quick reference for the transition from school to summer? Download this one-page printable!

Independence Day, Montessori Summer Vacation-Style

For many people in the United States, July fourth is a time for cookouts and fireworks. We get together with family and friends, enjoy our favorite potato salad, and spend some quality time in our backyards.

As adults, we know there’s a whole lot more to the day than that.

Whether you’re reading this on Independence Day, or sometime after, everything we mention below is still totally relevant and applicable. And even though we are well into summer vacation, we know many of our families never step out of Montessori mode. If that describes you, read on.

Do a deep dive into the holiday’s origins

We often rely on books to help us teach children, and this situation is no exception. A quick trip to your local library will be all you need to find an armload of age-appropriate reading material. The main points you’ll want to cover include:

• Why did early Americans feel the need to break free from England’s rule?

• What was the process like to establish the United States?

• Why do we celebrate on July fourth?

Searching for relevant pictures, articles, and videos online can help enrich kids’ experience, as can visiting historical sites if you happen to live in certain parts of the country.

Consider different perspectives

The establishment of the United States, along with large chunks of its history, aren’t exactly celebratory for some groups of people. Again, it’s helpful to lean on books to share this type of information, and especially books that are written by authors who represent the group they are teaching about.

The land we now refer to as the United States of America was inhabited by many nations of Indigenous people for thousands of years before Europeans arrived. The native perspective is that the land was stolen, and this was followed by centuries of forced relocation and mistreatment.

Another important perspective to consider is that of black Americans. The US economy originally relied heavily on the enslavement of people from Africa, and our nation’s beginnings are rooted in some pretty horrific practices that continue to have rippling effects even today. Most of us are very aware that race is at the forefront of modern American society, and the issues we still need to address have their beginnings in America’s earliest days.

Do young kids need to know every detail about what has happened in our history? Of course not. As always, keep what’s developmentally appropriate in mind. It is important to note that our children are much more aware, and studies show they develop biases much earlier than most adults realize.

Explore independence days in other countries

It would be impossible for us to list each country around the globe that celebrates an independence day; the list is just too long! Take a look at this unofficial compilation if you’re curious.

Here are a few fun highlights:

• Bastille Day is July 14 and celebrates the beginning of the French Revolution. The French love their parades and fireworks, but they also have a special tradition of opening fire stations for community dance parties.

• Bolivia begins its two-day celebration with grand parades on August 6.

• India celebrates its independence from Great Britain on August 15 by flying colorful kites.

• Who else could we imagine celebrating their independence with surfing races than Australia? Theirs takes place on January 26.

• Norway celebrates on May 17, and children are front and center. There are children’s parades around the country, as well as special parties in schools.

Help your child develop their own independence

As Montessorians, we believe all humans have the right to freedom and independence, and this includes children. Note that freedom does not mean the right to do whatever you want, whenever you want. In a community, whether it be a family or a global society, our choices should never encroach on the freedoms of others. For adults, this often takes the form of laws or social norms. For children, it’s all about the concept of freedom within limits.

What can you do to help nurture your child’s independence? If you’ve been a Montessori parent for a little while, you may already have a basic sense of where to start. It’s a huge topic, which we could never fully summarize here at the end of this article, so instead we’ll include a few ideas and starting points.

• Learn as much as you can about child development. Utilize books, articles, and ask questions of people you know. Lean on us at the school as a resource.

• Practice observing your child. Our tendency is often to jump and help or react. Wait. Notice. Reflect. What does your child really need?

• Follow the child. We all have preconceived ideas of what our kids need and how they will progress; it’s only natural. The important bit is to be mindful of this fact, and to examine the moments in which you could potentially inject your expectations onto them, and then don’t do it. This is way easier said than done.

• Give your child choices whenever you can. This might be as simple as offering your toddler two shirts to choose from, or it might be as difficult supporting your adolescent as they reject the college you wish they would attend.

• Embrace mistakes and failures. This means on the part of you and your child. You’ll both make them, and they’re always opportunities for growth and learning. No one is born knowing everything, and it’s only through our errors that we become more complete human beings.

We hope this article has been fun and informative. Please know that we value you as important members of our community. We are grateful that you care so much about your child’s learning experience. And we wish you all a celebratory holiday with your loved ones.