How to Guide Your Child Through Their Emotions

Human emotion.  We are so very lucky to each experience such a wide-ranging set of feelings, but that experience can be quite the roller coaster!

As adults, our own emotions can sometimes get the best of us.  How might we help our children find healthy ways to navigate through their own?

Choosing a title for this post was tricky.  Do we want to teach our children how to control their emotions?  Is manage the right word?  Should we encourage some emotions and discourage others?

Let us begin by stating that infants and young toddlers naturally rely on trusted adults to help them with their emotions.  They will look to you for physical comfort and solutions to their problems.  As they get a bit older, however, we can gradually guide them to begin tackling their emotions on a more independent level.

Our emotional experience is such a nuanced journey.  There’s no wrong way to feel, and suppression of emotion is never a long-term solution.  When it comes to emotion, we like to think a three-step approach is helpful.

1. Accept

2. Observe

3. React

Accepting our emotions can often be the hardest part!  Especially hard for adults, we often deny the presence of certain emotions because we have been taught that some are better than others.  We can make sure our children don’t feel the same pressure by reminding them - often - that there is no wrong way to feel.  Our emotions are simply emotions.  They don’t define who we are and are simply normal responses to events that happen in our lives.  They serve many purposes and can teach us plenty about ourselves, other people, and even the world around us.

Let your child know that it’s okay to feel frustrated.  Let them know that sadness and anger are normal.  The same goes for intense joy and love. 

One way to accept an emotion is to name it.  Keep it simple; one word is plenty.  If your child is feeling too deeply or hasn’t had enough experience to name the emotion themselves, supply the word you think they might be searching for.  “You seem angry.”  State it as a fact, without judgement or solution.

Once we have accepted the emotions we are feeling, it’s time to observe them.  To guide your child through this step, it’s best to talk about the process when emotions are not high.  Have a conversation over dinner or during a relaxing cuddle session.

How do we observe our emotions?  We step back and look at the emotion as if it is something separate from ourselves.  We know - this concept is hard enough for many adults to attempt in the heat of the moment.  How can we guide children to do this?

Ask them where in their body they feel the emotion the strongest.  Some of us feel queasiness in our stomachs, pounding in our hearts, lightness in our heads, tightness in our shoulders, or a myriad of other possibilities.  Ask your child to think about where they physically feel the emotion in their body, then encourage them to focus on that feeling.  Does a pounding heart feel pleasant?  Of course not!  At least not in the presence of uncomfortable emotions.  

How might we react to what we have noticed?  Leaning into those feelings and allowing our emotions to run their course is truly the healthiest approach, and it’s more likely to help negative feelings pass more quickly than if we were to resist them.  Tell your child that it is normal to feel how they are feeling, and to let their body feel the way it needs to.  Ask if you can help (sometimes children like to be held, have their back rubbed, etc.), but know that we won’t always be able to.  

Leaning into our feelings is one way to react, but there are other equally helpful and supportive methods that vary from person to person.  Again, during a time of calm, talk with your child about specific emotions.  Ask them what might help them while they are in the midst of an experience.  If a child is inclined to scream, how might they find a healthy way to fulfill or counteract that impulse?  Could they sing instead?  Could they learn to identify clues that come before a strong emotion and react to those instead?

Consider what healthy reaction options would work for your family and talk about them together.  Establishing what is okay (asking for a moment alone) and what is not (hitting a sibling) helps to set your child up for success.

Looking for more information on this topic?  Here’s a great article.  We really loved the part about how we, as adults, can use our own mistakes as teaching points for our kids.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201201/tips-helping-kids-handle-their-emotions

This great piece includes lots of activities for practice, and even suggests using picture books as models for identifying emotions and reactions.

http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/familytools/teaching_emotions.pdf

We would love to hear if you have any success with these steps, or if you have any further questions/ideas!

2 Types of Assessment: Which One Do Montessori Schools Favor?

Assessment is a topic often discussed in the many corners of the education world.  Whether a child is enrolled in their local public school, an independent school, or is homeschooled, assessment will most likely play a role in that experience.  To what extent it plays varies greatly, however, as does the prevalence of the different styles of assessment.

Parents often have strong feelings about assessment, although their perspectives can vary greatly.  Many are frustrated by the now-common high-stakes testing, the amount of time testing can take, and the young age at which formal assessments are now taking place.  Others, with their child’s future firmly in the forefront of their mind, want to be sure there are assessments in place that will clearly identify their child’s strengths and weaknesses.

So why do we assess in the first place?

One important reason is to measure learning.  Another is to (theoretically) encourage success.

We pose the following questions:  How do we define success?  What exactly is it that we value and want to encourage in our children?  What kinds of time restraints should (or should not) be placed on children as they progress through the learning of various skills?  Should learning be measured in a standardized and linear fashion?

The following types of assessment are regularly used in educational settings.  We describe each one and take a look at how Montessori does (or does not) implement them.

Formative Assessment

Formative assessment can be classified by the following characteristics:

• It is generally done while the student is learning.

• It is either unobtrusive or minimally intrusive to student work.

• It is almost never graded.

• It allows teachers to shift their approach mid-lesson.

Summative Assessment

Summative assessment is quite different.  It can be classified by these characteristics:

• It is done periodically to determine whether a student has mastered a skill/skills.

• Learning and instruction must stop and time must be set aside to administer assessment.

• Grades/scores are typically assigned.

• It serves to categorize students and define success/failure.

Just by reading through the characteristics you will likely draw your own conclusions as to which style is more helpful to both students and teachers.

Keep in mind that in Montessori schools, we believe the following basic principles:

1. Learning is not linear. There are general developmental phases that children pass through, but we recognize that there is great variation among individuals. This variation is honored and even celebrated. One of the greatest benefits of our three year cycles is that teachers have that much time to work with children and guide them toward various goals. Most teachers understand that a child may progress in reading for 6 months while their math skills plateau, but that could easily switch in time. Not feeling the pressure of having a child for one year only allows us to support natural learning and growth, and to let children learn according to more normal timelines.

2. We believe that children do not need to compete with one another, but rather draw on internal motivation to better themselves. Grades lead to such competition. All people have areas of strength and areas that we may have to work harder at. When children begin comparing themselves to one another, many will be left with completely unnecessary feelings of inadequacy. Such dips in self-confidence can take a serious toll on children in the long term.

3. To expand upon point number three, we do not utilize external rewards. We find them ineffective and would rather guide children toward trusting their own process. There is significant scientific research that backs this approach. More on that here.

4. We provide learning materials that allow children to assess themselves. Most Montessori materials are autodidactic, that is the children learn the skill just from using them. If there is a series of different sized pegs with corresponding holes to place them in, there is only one way to complete the activity correctly. When a child is working independently with such a material and the last peg does not fit into the last remaining hole, they know a mistake has been made along the way and they can work toward correcting it.

5. Scientific observation is the most effective method for teachers to learn about students’ understanding. Dr. Montessori based her entire set of teaching methods on what she had observed about children’s learning over a span of 40+ years. Her constant observations allowed her to make changes in the environment and her approach. We believe this form of assessment to be the most effective tool we have. Montessori guides observe the children to determine what changes need to be made in their instruction in order to meet academic goals, but we also observe how the environment serves the children so that it can act as another tool to support learning.

What it boils down to is that we hope to teach children how to learn, not how to get a good grade.  We want them to be enamored with the world and find a deep and authentic desire to learn as much as they can about it.  We do not wish to interrupt their learning with tests that do not actually serve them in the long run; rather we believe that the summative assessment approach of highly trained and skilled educators is the best way to support growth.

10 Amazing Podcasts

This month we are taking a break from our regular book list post and sharing something a little bit different.

Are you into podcasts?  Are your kids?  If you’re not already, know that there is a whole world FULL of entertaining and educational screen-free media out there just waiting to be discovered.

Podcasts are great to listen to while driving in the car, sitting in a waiting room, or just relaxing together.  Basically, any time you (or your child) are in the mood to relax but would rather not stare at a television, tablet, or phone, podcasts provide us with an excellent alternative.

The ten we share below are kid-tested and parent-approved.  Please note that while we do our best to summarize them thoroughly, it’s always best to listen with your child (at least for the first episode or two) to make sure it is a good fit for your child.

Without further ado, the podcasts:

Wow in the World

Our all-time favorite seems like a great place to start!  Wow in the World is narrated by characters Mindy and Guy Raz (yes, that Guy Raz, formly of NPR’s All Things Considered).  Mindy’s completely wacky personality contrasts fantastically with Guy’s hesitant and often nervous one as they ‘test out’ the validity of actual recent scientific studies.  Their adventures often include a nosy neighbor, a pigeon named Reggie that gives them rides, and a whole lot of scientific terminology that is explained without talking down to listeners.  Even primary-aged children will delight in Wow in the World’s (educational) antics.

https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510321/wow-in-the-world

Circle Round

What child doesn’t love to listen to stories?  Circle Round was created for children ages 4-10, but we think even older kids wouldn't complain when it’s on.  Folktales from around the globe are told in an engaging way; kids and their families are encouraged to think about the lessons learned by characters in the tales.  Positive character traits are a common theme.

https://www.wbur.org/circleround

Story Pirates

The premise for this podcast is a unique one: kids send in their own stories - fictional, creative tales that only children could dream up.  The actors on the show then voice their way through the story, bringing it to life.  As you can imagine, the utter absurdity is pretty appealing to young listeners!  There are regular cast members, but there are also some big names featured from time to time (Aubrey Plaza, Conan O’Brien, Jon Stewart, and more).

https://www.storypirates.com/podcast

But Why?

What kid isn’t curious about the world around them?  On But Why? kids call in with questions and the creators of the podcast confer with various experts to find answers.  So many children call in with questions that are grouped into themes; recent episodes have answered questions about earthquakes, bugs, electricity, trains, gender, and the ocean.  Experts provide answers that will engage and fascinate everyone - from very young children to adults.

https://www.npr.org/podcasts/474377890/but-why-a-podcast-for-curious-kids

Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls

Based on the best-selling book, each episode highlights the life of a different influential and inspiring woman.  Recent episodes celebrate the lives of volcanologist Katia Krafft, flamenco dancer Carmen Amaya, political activists the Mirabal sisters, and wheelchair fencer Bebe Vio.  Girls and boys alike will appreciate these riveting and real stories.

https://www.rebelgirls.co/pages/podcast

Smash Boom Best

Smash Book Best is a debate podcast.  Listeners contribute ideas, then a judge listens to two people argue the merits of their ‘side’.  Topics are subjects that kids find fascinating.  Some recent episodes include Piranhas vs. Venus Fly Traps, Unicorns vs. Dragons, and Rice vs. Noodles.  It can be fun to choose a side before starting an episode, then seeing whether or not the arguments presented sway your own opinion.  Kids are taught to defend their positions with intelligence and integrity.  

https://www.brainson.org/pages/smashboombest

The Past and the Curious

From the creators and their mission statement: “History is amazing.  The stories from our collective past have the power to transform people today.”  Get ready to take a deep dive into some of human history’s most compelling topics.  Interested in museums?  Learn about America’s first museum, and the art that went missing in another.  Curious about early exploration in our nation?  Find out how prairie dogs played an interesting role.  We especially liked hearing the history of native people not only being honored, but told in an honest, yet kid-appropriate way.  This podcast might be a good fit for upper elementary and middle school-aged children, or for some lower elementary children who are particularly fond of history.

https://thepastandthecurious.com/

Brains On!

Winner of a 2018 Webby award, this amazing podcast presents science and history topics to children and families.  In 2017 the show was awarded a grant from the National Science Foundation in hopes of studying “the impact of children’s podcasts on science learning and discovery.”  (More on that here: https://www.americanpublicmedia.org/kids-science-podcast-brains-on-receives-national-science-foundation-grant/ )  Each week one lucky kid gets to co-host the show and explore a wide variety of incredible topics.

https://www.brainson.org/

This Podcast has Fleas

This Podcast has Fleas isn’t actually an educational podcast, but it is quite entertaining.  Told from the perspective of a dog named Waffles (Emily Lynne) who has started her own podcast (Dog Talk) and Jones the cat (Jay Pharoah) who lives in the same house and also has a podcast (Live From the Litterbox).  Start with episode 1 and work your way through the hilarious antics of these two critters, along with other household residents including Mr. Glub, the wise goldfish, voiced by Alec Baldwin.

https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/fleas

Pickle

Pickle aims to present children with ethical dilemmas and let them imagine what they would do in response.  For example, if your brother was responsible for the graffiti in the new boys’ bathroom at your school, would you tell on him?  All angles are presented, and no clear answer is actually given.  Kids get to think, examine rules and consequences, and ponder how they would handle various situations.  This podcast would be best for children in elementary (perhaps third grade) and up.

https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/pickle

We hope you enjoy discovering some new podcasts, or even trying them out for the first time!  We would love to hear what you think of these, or if you have any other favorites you think we should share with families!

Montessori Basics: A Brief History

Have you ever wondered how Montessori got its start?  You likely know the educational model is named after its founder, but the beginnings of this approach are fascinating.  Read on for a brief history of Montessori education.

Maria Montessori was born on August 31, 1870.  She lived with her family in Chiaravalle, Italy, though they eventually moved to Rome.  An excellent student, she decided upon graduation to apply to the University of Rome to study medicine.  Just as in her younger years, Montessori was an outstanding student in medical school, even though she faced plenty of discrimination as a woman.  Her chosen career was nearly unheard of for women at the time, yet she continued undeterred.

Dr. Maria Montessori is often credited with being the first female physician in Italy.  There were actually other women that came before her (for example, Maria Dalle Donne was the first woman to receive a doctorate in medicine), but her achievement in this area was astounding nonetheless.  After graduating she began her work in pediatric psychiatry, which is where the first seeds of Montessori education were sown.

The children in her charge were cognitively impaired; no one expected them to engage in any sort of meaningful education.  During this time she became an advocate for children with disabilities, and began to develop many of the materials that would later become what we now know as Montessori materials.

In 1907 Dr. Montessori opened a child care center in a poor neighborhood in Rome.  She called it Casa Dei Bambini (Children’s House) and the first Montessori school was established.  The intention was for her to create a place to educate the children of poor, working parents.  She began to apply what she had learned previously in her pediatric psychiatry setting, as well as using the materials she had developed there.  

A highlight of Dr. Montessori’s work was her use of scientific observation.  A scientist first and educator later, she looked at child development through a different lens than had many others.  She noticed several surprising things:

• The children were able to focus deeply on independent work that interested them.

• The children were interested in practical life activities, such as preparing food and caring for their classroom environment.

• The children learned (seemingly absorbing information) according to what was available in the environment.

• The children responded positively to learning materials they could complete by themselves.

Casa dei Bambini was regarded as a huge success, and people began to take notice of Dr. Montessori’s ideas.  The approach began to spread, with several other schools opening in Italy, as well as a training center led by Dr. Montessori herself.  After publishing several papers, the international community began to take notice early in the twentieth century.

Schools began to open around the world, including in the United States.  Over time, her original focus on early childhood shifted to elementary and adolescence, leading her to develop her famous Planes of Development.

Montessori’s popularity in the United States waned after a period, but found a resurgence in the 1950s.  Today there are two main organizations that support Montessori education in the United States; AMI (Association Montessori International) was created by Dr. Montessori and her son Mario in order to standardize and preserve her methods, and AMS (American Montessori Society) which was created by Nancy McCormick Rambusch who is often credited with sparking the revival of Montessori in the US.  Both organizations are similar in many ways, with AMI adhering more closely to Dr. Montessori’s original ideas and AMS feeling that some changes are needed to fit with the nation’s culture.

Montessori education has become increasingly popular over the decades, with variations of its materials and implementation of its ideals found in even more conventional classrooms.

Still have questions?  Send them our way - we love to teach others about the history of this powerful method of teaching!

Fall Family Fun

Today marks the fall equinox, one of two days during the year in which both the northern and southern hemispheres of our planet receive the same amount of sunlight (the other day is the vernal, or spring equinox.)  The rest of the year the tilt of Earth’s axis makes for an uneven distribution of the sun’s rays, therefore giving us the seasons of summer and winter. Just a note: our seasons do not actually come from Earth being closer or farther away from the sun, which is a common misconception.)

Now that we have gotten the fun science bit out of the way, what does this have to do with our children?  We believe fall is a great time to tune into the changing seasons and just enjoy time together.  Here are five ideas to get you started:

1. Get that yard work done.

Children - especially young children - love to help their parents.  They want to be like their parents, so they take every possible opportunity to copy what you do.  Take advantage of this developmental characteristic and teach them how to do basic yard work!

Will your 4-year-old be able to efficiently assist you in raking the leaves?  That’s doubtful, but they can stay occupied, get some fresh air and exercise, and have a blast while you’re busy taking care of a necessary job.  They certainly won’t mind helping you jump in a raked pile, either!  Any last-minute weeding or harvesting that needs to be done in the garden?  Invite your child along to learn and try it for themselves.

A note regarding tools: it is preferable to provide children with real, child-sized tools for all sorts of tasks, including yard work.  The link below includes yard and garden tools from For Small Hands, but it is also possible to find similar items at local garden stores. (We typically have a fundraiser from this catalog in the fall. Stay tuned!)

https://www.montessoriservices.com/practical-life/yard-garden/yard-garden-tools

2. Head to the kitchen.

There are so many great flavors to savor throughout the fall.  Why not cook and bake together why you try them all?  Here are a few fun recipes:

Super simple acorn treats 

https://likemotherslikedaughters.com/2018/09/03/fall-acorn-treats-super-simple/

Healthy baked spaghetti squash

http://cookingwithmykid.com/2010/11/01/baked-spaghetti-squash/

Trail mix bites to take on that fall hike

https://www.delish.com/cooking/videos/a57691/monster-trail-mix-bites-video/

Baked apple cider donut holes

https://www.livewellbakeoften.com/baked-apple-cider-donut-holes/

Tasty pumpkin bread

https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/6820/downeast-maine-pumpkin-bread/

Basic applesauce recipe

https://thestayathomechef.com/how-to-make-applesauce/

3. Be creative.

Art is a great idea any time of the year.  Try these fun activities to enjoy being creative, fall-style.

• Lanterns - Collect several glass jars, some fall-colored tissue paper, wire, and either white glue or liquid starch. Cut the paper into small pieces. The pieces can be irregular shapes, but they should be roughly between 1” and 2” square. Water down the white glue or use the liquid starch as is. Paint a layer on the glass, sticking small pieces of paper to it as you go. Another layer of glue on top is a good idea. Once dry, use the wire to wrap around the lip of the jar and create a candle. Either a small tea light or battery-powered light can go inside for a fun evening walk.

• Nature art - Using found objects, create environmental art outside. Before you begin, discuss with you child that the nature of environmental art is not permanent so that they don’t feel disappointed if it blows or washes away. Consider arranging items like sticks, fallen leaves, dead flower petals, seeds, rocks, and whatever else you come across!

• Whip up a batch of this pumpkin pie playdough: https://www.yourmodernfamily.com/pumpkin-pie-play-dough-diy/

4. Make a scarecrow.

Whether you choose to display your scarecrow in the garden or use it as a seasonal decoration, your children will surely have a blast helping create it!  Gather some old clothes, a bit of hay, and check out this video for ideas to get started.

5. Enjoy local produce.

Finding ways to purchase and eat local produce is a positive experience for you and your children in so many ways.  A few of the perks:

• Produce grown closer to home is fresher and contains more nutrients.

• You help support small businesses in your community.

• Pick-your-own options are a fun activity to do on a nice day.

• Physically going to the farms gives children a concrete sense of where their food comes from.

• You’re likely to run into other families you know and/or meet other families with children.

Perhaps you already have a CSA share that you pick up weekly.  Maybe you love to go apple picking.  Local farm stands are likely to have plenty of fresh greens available this time of year, and a variety of squash are either already abundant or will be soon.  Options are plentiful!

We hope this list has given you some ideas to get started, although we would love to hear any more you might have.  Enjoy your week!

7 Ways to Encourage Independence

You probably know that encouraging independence is a hallmark of Montessori education and parenting.  The best way to teach our children to do things for themselves is to create supportive structures in which they can gradually depend on us less and less.  You may be wondering exactly how to do this, and we are here to help!  Try these ten handy tips to get started:

1. Allow your child to dress themselves.

As soon as they are ready, young children should physically dress themselves, even if it means allowing extra time for them to do so.  Even toddlers can begin making choices in regards to their clothing.  Start simple with your littlest ones.  For example, you might ask if they would rather wear their yellow shirt or their pink shirt.  Another option might be setting out five outfits for the school week and letting them pick which one they will wear on any particular morning.  As children get older, it’s okay to give them general guidelines before stepping back and admiring their unique self expression.  You may let them know that pants are a must on a cold day, but be sure to respect their desire to pair zebra-print leggings with a plaid dress.  Enjoy those adorable moments while allowing them to feel empowered by their own decision-making.

2. Teach your child skills they show interest in.

Does your child like to watch as you fix the fence and build shelves?  Figure out a simple woodworking project you could do together, and let them learn how to measure, saw, and hammer nails.  The same idea goes for crafts like knitting and sewing, outdoor activities like hiking and geocaching, electronics repair and computer programming, sports, and just about any other activity you can imagine.  Their first interests will likely be based on what they observe at home, but eventually they will branch out and want to try learning more skills.  As adults all we need to do is shed our preconceived notions of what young children are capable of; we are often surprised when they achieve much more than we expected!

3. Let them care for a living thing.

The simplest way to do this is to purchase a small, low-maintenance plant.  Keep it on a sunny windowsill and teach your child how to water it.  Some Montessori teachers use a clothespin method; whenever the plant needs watering, the adult places a clothespin on the rim of the pot as a signal to the child that they should water it.  As kids get older, we can teach them to feel the soil itself for dryness.

Already have a pet at home?  Find age-appropriate ways for your child to help out.  They might assist with brushing, feeding, watering, or walking, depending on their age and the particular pet.

4. Include them in household chores.

All children, even toddlers, should help out around the house.  This may actually make our jobs a little more challenging in the beginning, but they payoff will be well worth it.  Start with something simple, like teaching your two-year-old to fold washcloths.  Before you know it, your eight-year-old will be loading the dishwasher and your twelve-year-old will be mowing the lawn.  Participating in family chores gives children a sense of purpose in their (home) community.  If they start young, the concept of chores is boring or tedious, it’s a meaningful way to contribute “like a grownup”.

5. Give them opportunities in the kitchen.

Making dinner?  Baking for a holiday?  Packing lunches for tomorrow?  Get your kids involved.  If they have already been attending a Montessori school, they may surprise you with their spreading, cutting, and mixing skills, as these are taught and practiced regularly in primary classrooms.  

The act of preparing food for our families is an act of love.  Teaching children how to do this not only gives them skills they will need to be self-sufficient one day, but allows them to help give to their family members.  The benefits are endless:

• Kids who cook learn a variety of math skills.

• A child is more likely to try new foods if they have helped prepare them.

• Cooking something challenging will impart a sense of pride and self-confidence.

• Cooking together is quality time spent together.

• Regular time in the kitchen may create happy memories.

6. Encourage bodily autonomy.

One critical and powerful mantra to repeat to your child early and often: “You are in charge of your body.”  This means we don’t force them to hug their grandparents or accept kisses from a pushy aunt.  This even means if they don’t feel like cuddling with us, their parents, they don’t have to.

Having power of decision over one’s own body is an important lesson to teach, and extends to others as well.  We teach our children that while they get to make their own bodily choices, everyone else does as well.  A good time to bring this up is when they are perhaps playing too rough and you need a break.  You can say, “I don’t want you to wrestle me right now, and it’s my body so I get to choose.”

7. Offer desirable choices.

This is where the all-important concept of freedom within limits comes in.  Montessori, and giving children choice, doesn’t mean that children get to make all the decisions.  It just means that we provide our children with a range of desirable options they get to pick from.  Some examples:

• You need to get dressed and brush your teeth. Which would you like to do first?

• Would you like strawberry or grape jelly on your sandwich?

• Your room needs to be cleaned today. What time will you start?

• Do you want to walk or skip to the car?

By giving choices within parameters, you can increase the chances of success for both you and your child.  This gives kids safe boundaries within which they can practice doing things for themselves.

We hope this post has been helpful!  If you have any questions or would like to observe how independence is encouraged in our classrooms, please give us a call today.