Our Gifts to Children

The brain of a young child works differently than the brain of an adult. Sensorial experiences shape children’s brains, forming neurological webs that last throughout their life.  

The fact that our interactions with young people help shape their future selves opens up an incredible opportunity. Each experience can be a gift. Often the simplest moments can carry the most meaning.

During the rush of this season, we have the opportunity to slow down and really be present with the young children in our lives. By being open to the wonder and delight our children experience, we gain new perspective while also giving the best gift of all: our total attention.  

This may mean taking a deep breath and momentarily turning off the chatter of the to-do list, squatting down to a child’s eye level, smiling, and just listening or seeing what they want to share. A helpful holiday mantra can be: Talk less. Listen more.

In addition to giving our full attention, whether for 20 seconds or 20 minutes, we can also offer to teach a young person a new skill. The key to these teaching moments is to focus on each distinct step so the skill is simple and attainable. Even very young children can be involved with tasks like setting the table, wrapping gifts, and tending to simple household maintenance. They appreciate being involved with routine activities and they want to contribute in a meaningful way.

Dr. Jane Healy, author of numerous books, including Your Child’s Growing Mind, reminds us that children need the opportunity to repeatedly practice activities that seem second nature to adults: “Self-help skills and household jobs are very important for the child to master–help your child, but encourage him to do it himself even if the job isn’t done exactly your way!”

When encouraging or supporting a child in trying a new skill or participating in a new task, be sure to take the child’s perspective into account. Showing how to do something is often the most effective and verbalized instructions can be kept to a minimum. In fact, it is best to not talk while showing something and to not show something while talking! This allows the child to focus on absorbing one kind of sensory input, thus keeping the information clear in their mind. 

These kinds of ordered and clear experiences are key to a child’s development. “Impressions do not merely enter his mind; they form it,” explained Dr. Maria Montessori a physician turned educator who spent intensive time observing children, making scientific notes, and thus coming to an enlightened understanding of childhood development.

Dr. Montessori observed how children respond positively to organization, both in terms of expected routines and physical space. Current research, such as that comparing the HOME inventory (Home Observation for Measurement of the Environment) to longitudinal information collected in the Bayley Mental Development Inventory, shows that organized environments lead to higher intelligence scores.*  

We all know that the holiday season throws our routines and even our physical settings a bit askew. With this in mind, children benefit greatly from adults in their lives maintaining a calm sense of order during this busy time.  

In order to create a calm, ordered environment, we ourselves need to have balance and clarity in our own lives! Staying present in the moment, breathing deeply, and ultimately taking care of our own needs allows us to offer our best selves to the children around us.  

What we offer to our children, in terms of our presence, special activities, or toys, can provide opportunities to aid their development. During this time of gift-giving, for example, we can provide objects that have an intelligent purpose and help children contribute in a meaningful way to the order around them. Child-sized, yet real, items are particularly valuable: cooking tools, building tools, yard tools, and even mops and brooms.  

Children don’t stay young for long, and the early years are extremely formative. In her book, Understanding the Human Being: The Importance of the First Three Years of Life, Silvana Quattrocchi Montanaro explains the significance of a young child’s experiences: “Everything that comes from the environment is received, processed and stored in the brain cells with no effort using a form of unconscious absorption. This intense mental activity is always going on, even in prenatal life, and it characterizes ‘the absorbent mind’.” 

For those interested in learning more about optimal environments for these “absorbent minds,” schedule a visit to our school. We can share more about setting up home environments that best support child development and show how our learning environments are specifically designed for neurological growth.

Knowing that the young children around us are absorbing everything about their surroundings, this season let’s give them our attention, meaningful ways to contribute to daily tasks, and a calm, ordered environment.  As a result, we’re helping some remarkable young people as they develop into capable, caring young adults.

*For more information on this research, check out the book, Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius by Angeline Stoll Lillard.

The Stereognostic Sense

In Montessori toddler and primary classrooms, we offer specially designed materials to help young children refine their senses. In addition to the five senses—tactile (touch), visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), olfactory (smell), and gustatory (taste)—we also support children’s stereognostic sense. 

What is the stereognostic sense?

The word stereognostic comes from the Greek words “stereo” which means “around” and “gnosis” which means “to know.” Having a stereognostic sense means being able to identify the shape and form of a three-dimensional object, and therefore its identity, through tactile manipulation without any visual or auditory input.

“They are very proud of seeing without eyes, holding out their hands and crying, ‘Here are my eyes!’ ‘I can see with my hands!’”
– Dr. Maria Montessori, The Montessori Method

Children develop a mental picture of an object through the use of touch and movement. This tactile and muscular experience allows them to recognize an object by feeling and palpating without seeing or hearing the object. Everything we touch helps form a memory.

Young children are absorbing everything, so the more experiences they have with objects and parts of their environment, the more accurate their perceptions will be. Thus, the combination of language (naming objects), the tactile experience, and muscular memory provides children with a more complete and precise understanding of the world.

Mystery (or Stereognostic) Bags

In our toddler and primary classrooms, we have special “mystery bags” or “stereognostic bags” to support the development of children’s stereognostic sense. These drawstring bags contain objects children have already encountered in their environment. We make sure children know the names of the objects, too.

The first bag we introduce has a set of four to six objects that belong to a classified group, such as kitchen utensils, art supplies, bathroom items, etc. These are real items that children have used in their lives.

The next bag has four to six general objects that are not grouped in any category (e.g. a comb, rock, sponge, funnel, cloth, etc.).

The third bag has three to four pairs of objects that are very different from each other. 

The Experience

When we introduce each of these bags, we first show how to carry the bag and invite the child to take the bag to a table. We then carefully demonstrate how to open and close the bag and give the child a turn to try opening and closing. Next, we peek inside the bag and remove one item at a time, naming each object as we remove it from the bag and place it on the table. We also give the child a turn to feel each item. When all the objects are removed from the bag and lined up on the table, we name one and invite the child to place it in the bag. We repeat this until all the objects are back in the bag. 

Then the fun begins! We explain that we are going to reach into the bag to find an item. Putting both hands into the bag (and without looking in the bag) we feel around and grasp an object. With some enthusiasm, we say the item’s name before we remove the item. Then we take the item out of the bag and show it to the child. Often the child watching takes great delight in the fact that we were able to name the object before seeing it. We repeat with the other items and then invite the child to try. When using the bag with the paired objects, the only difference is that we select one item, name it, remove it from the bag, and then try to feel for the matching item.

We regularly rotate the items in the bags so children have lots of opportunities to feel for what is in these “mystery bags”. Children find the experience to be absolutely delightful!

The best part is that when children try to recognize an object through touch alone, their brain receives the sensorial input and then forms a three-dimensional image that provides a more complete understanding and precise perception of the object. 

“When the hand and arm are moved about an object, an impression of movement is added to that touch. Such an impression is attributed to a special, sixth sense, which is called a muscular sense, and which permits many impressions to be stored in a ‘muscular memory,’ which recalls movements that have been made.”
– Dr. Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child

The stereognostic bags are just one example of the many carefully designed materials we introduce in Montessori classrooms. We always love to have you come visit to see or experience these sensorial delights firsthand. Schedule a tour today!

The Origins of Language

Dr. Maria Montessori felt that in order to support children’s development of language, we first need to appreciate the evolution of language. In fact, the language today’s children use is a culmination of language evolution from the dawn of humans.

Languages have expanded and grown to match the complexity of our cultures. Because language is changing and evolving, children create their language as it exists in their environment. Although a child born thousands of years ago had no less potential for developing language than a child today, our languages have grown in fullness and complexity. 

Evolution of Spoken Language

Although we don’t have any records documenting the beginning of spoken language, we can imagine that certain experiences or events drove humans to produce different sounds. Over time these utterances likely became internalized and came to represent an experience. 

Language is necessary for humans to work together cooperatively. In his memoir, Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood, Trevor Noah relates his experience growing up in South Africa, where there are at least thirty-five indigenous languages, eleven of which are official languages. As someone who speaks seven different languages, Noah experienced first-hand how language can bridge divides: “Language, even more than color, defines who you are to people.”  

Early humans developed language as a means of communication, but humans were isolated into small tribes or clans. Each group developed their own agreed upon communications. As populations increased and migration happened, communities came into contact. Some words got shared. Some new words were created. Etymology gives us the histories of the roots of words, and as such, historians can study the evolution of language and human migration through words and their roots. 

The vocabulary of any language is related to the culture of that community. For instance, the Eskimo language has 27 different words for snow, while Hawaiians have no words for snow. Languages constantly evolve as new experiences emerge in our culture. Currently, we can see this in how words are added or removed from the dictionary. A couple of decades ago, for example, “Google” was not a verb!

Primitive spoken languages were primarily nouns interspersed with some adjectives, verbs, prepositions, and conjunctions. Primitive languages actually sounded a lot like how young children speak. As cultures evolved and became more complex, languages evolved their own vocabulary, grammar, and syntax.

Evolution of Written Language

At some point, humans also developed symbolic language as a way to record their thoughts. These records began as pictures, such as the cave paintings that date from over 30,000 years ago. In the beginning, the pictures were realistic and over time became more symbolic, moving from pictograph alphabets to phonetic alphabets. With a phonetic alphabet containing a limited number of symbols, people could begin to create any word. The birth of the alphabet greatly simplified the writing system. As civilizations evolved, expanded, and became more sophisticated, the expansion of language in written form became more universal.

The roots of modern American English reflect the diversity of the culture. While the English language originated in Britain, the Romans added a Latin influence and the French Saxons and Anglos added their own influences. As colonists came to America from different countries, they brought their language to a place where the Native Americans had their own languages. All of these influences were incorporated into American English. 

This diverse history of the language is what makes it complicated and full of exceptions. Some words retained their original spelling while others were adapted and modified. This varied origin story explains why we can have a sound represented in so many different ways. Just think about the sound “sh” which can be represented in: shock, sugar, emotion, charade, social, and tissue. 

Once humans developed a writing system as a way of recording thoughts, another skill had to be acquired — reading. If writing is recording our thoughts, reading is interpreting the thoughts of others.

Development of Language 

Just as the evolution of writing and reading happened with humans, there is just as much magic, mystery, and power that happens when each child learns to read. In our prepared environments, we offer children the keys to their language because we have a deep appreciation for the origins of language itself. By understanding the history of language, we can better appreciate what children are accomplishing when they acquire these skills. 

Our exercises for language are not designed to teach language directly, but to offer support to children’s developing personalities. The method we use in our classrooms evolved from Dr. Montessori’s discoveries about how children learn. What resulted is a revolutionary method that is in harmony with the child’s developmental needs. Children can learn to write and read without even realizing that it is happening.

We welcome you to observe this development of language in action in our classrooms. Schedule a tour today!

Collaborative Problem Solving

So often, when we get really upset with our children, the first thing we want to do is solve the problem. Tell them what needs to happen. Take control. Sometimes even become a bit dictatorial!

In those times of frustration or anger, our rational thinking tends to take a back seat to our emotions. We forget what might be happening in our children's internal (and sometimes external) lives. We rush ahead instead of taking the time to help guide our children.

Yet our children look to us for assistance and support. When our children are struggling, they need us to show compassion, patience, and empathy.

Changing Our Perspective

Dr. Ross Greene, a clinical psychologist and author of Raising Human Beings, among other publications, makes an impassioned plea on his website, Lives in the Balance, asking adults to recast how we think about challenging behavior. When children are behaving in challenging ways, Dr. Greene explains, it is "because they're lacking the skills not to be challenging. If they had the skills, they wouldn't be challenging.”

Dr. Greene also emphasizes two vital themes to better support our children. "Kids do well if they can," he states, and, "Doing well is always preferable to not doing well.”

If we wholeheartedly embrace the fact that our children want to do well if they can, we can take what Dr. Greene calls a “dramatic departure from the view of challenging kids as attention-seeking, manipulative, coercive, limit-testing, and poorly motivated. It’s a completely different set of lenses, supported by research in the neurosciences over the past 30 to 40 years, and it has dramatic implications for how caregivers go about helping such kids.”

How can we help?

It's worth noting that all children at some point demonstrate challenging behaviors. So how do we, as adults and caregivers, help children with these challenges?

The first step is to think about what difficulty a child is facing. The challenging behavior arises because of a difficulty. Listing specific difficulties helps us shift our thinking away from the behaviors that can cause us frustration.

Next, at a time when the behavior isn’t happening, we can find a time to connect and make sure it's a good time to talk. At that point, we can state what we've observed: "I've noticed it's been difficult for you to finish breakfast before we need to leave for school.”

The Empathy Step

Then (and this is key) we ask, “What’s up?” or “What’s going on?” 

This statement of a non-judgmental observation, and then an invitation to share, initiates what Dr. Greene calls the Empathy Step. The Empathy Step is an information-gathering process in which we really try to understand the child's perspective and experience. We listen without reacting and ask questions or reflect back answers in order to peel back the layers of what is really going on for the child in those moments of challenge.

During this time of reflective listening and questioning, it's essential that our child is heard, really heard. All too often, we try to jump in too quickly with advice or solutions, without giving enough time and space for our young person to share valuable perspectives and insights. Just this process of listening can be incredibly healing. If a child isn't used to us really listening, or we aren't used to asking questions rather than offering solutions, check out this cheat sheet for how to get to the heart of the matter.

Assuming our child has been able to share what's really going on in those moments of challenge, we summarize what is distressing to them and share our own concern. For example, "I understand, and my concern is that I feel stressed and anxious when we are rushing to get out the door in the morning." We then invite our child to work together with us to find a solution that can meet everyone's needs.

Being Heard and Validated

When using this process with children, it’s often the case that we sometimes don’t even get to the last steps of stating a concern and initiating a collaborative problem-solving process. Sometimes it makes sense to listen to what our child has to share about what is going on and then let that really settle. Sometimes just the process of being heard is significant enough for shifts to occur for our child, as being heard helps them feel validated.

In those moments of frustration or upset, let's try to slow ourselves down and remember that the child in front of us wants to do well. Our job can be to listen and empathize. And in doing so, we can support that young person in solving problems, learning new skills, and becoming a more whole human being.

Please schedule a tour to come visit our school and see how collaborative problem-solving works with children. We’ve found that it can also be helpful in our interactions with adults, too!

The Absorbent Mind

Unlike other species that are born with a predetermined set of behaviors, human babies are born with a set of potentials. When a child is born, we have no idea if they will be a master musician or a creative chef. It’s pretty amazing when we think about it! Children are constantly creating the skills they need to become contributing adults.

Dr. Maria Montessori observed children from a scientific lens and over time she concluded that this kind of creative work could only happen with a mind that was different from the conscious adult mind. She realized that children’s minds operate in a fundamentally different way. In The Absorbent Mind, Dr. Montessori states:

“The child has other powers than ours, and the creation he achieves is no small one; it is everything. Not only does he create his language, but he shapes the organs that enable him to frame the words. He has to make the physical basis of every moment, all the elements of our intellect, everything the human being is blessed with. This wonderful work is not the product of conscious intention.”

Well before brain scans, Dr. Montessori discovered so much about how children’s brains function and she termed this special mental functioning, the absorbent mind. Her book, The Absorbent Mind, was one of the last books she compiled.

The words Dr. Montessori used to describe the child’s absorbent mind were chosen deliberately. The word absorbent implies “taking in” and integrating into the whole. What is absorbed becomes a part of what is doing the absorbing. Children take in their experiences and impressions which become part of the structure and content of their brains. 

“Impressions do not merely enter his mind; they form it. They incarnate themselves in him. The child creates his own ‘mental muscles,’ using for this what he finds in the world about him. We have named this type of mentality, The Absorbent Mind.”

The absorbent mind is a superpower of children from birth to around age six.

Because children under six are absorbing everything in their environment, our actions need to reflect what we expect. If we want children to sit at the table to eat, we need to sit at the table to eat. If we want children to talk with quiet, calm voices, we need to talk with quiet, calm voices. If we want children to carry one item at a time, using both hands, we need to do so, too. The key is to model this behavior at all times. Children are absorbing indiscriminately. We may not think they are looking, but they are taking it all in!

We can share an example of this from a Montessori classroom. Once upon a time, a tall toddler teacher would always squat down in front of the low shelves to select a material to show a child. After squatting down, she would pick up the item she wanted to show. Although all the toddlers were at the right height to easily take the item, the teacher noticed that they would walk to a shelf, squat down, and then pick up the material. Even though this movement was much more difficult for the toddlers, they had unconsciously absorbed the steps the teacher had demonstrated: walk to the shelf, squat down, and pick up what you want. 

So in our Montessori environments, we are very careful with how we move and what we do. When the adults want a snack, we follow the same procedure as the children. We wash our hands, use a plate, and sit at the snack table. Doing what we expect the children to do also gives us a wonderful opportunity to see how the process can be improved. By having snack and cleaning up after ourselves, we can experience the process. Are the dustpans easy to access and in a place that makes sense? Do the spray bottles work well for spraying and wiping the table? What parts of the process feel cumbersome? What flows well?

We can also look at our school and home environments from our children’s perspective. Sometimes it helps to even kneel or sit on the floor and look at a room from a child’s height. What do they see? What stands out from their vantage point? Is the space welcoming and beautiful? What attracts attention? 

Our young children’s brains are hardwired to effortlessly absorb what is around them. Because our children are full of potential, we want to provide them with the best! Let’s start by taking a look at ourselves and our children’s surroundings. As we think about our children’s absorbent minds, we can work to provide them with clear, consistent images as we move through our days. 

If you would like to learn more, please schedule a tour. We love to share how we support children as they are discovering what is possible!

Moving Away from How Was Your Day?

When we pick up our children from school, it can be so tempting to ask, “How was your day?” Often the responses are pretty lackluster. 

As adults, we can likely relate. If a partner or friend asks about our day, our responses may be along the lines of fine, good, tiring, okay. Sometimes we just don’t feel like rehashing the day! 

For children, there can also be an element of not always having the language to explain what they did or experienced. In Montessori environments, this can be even more challenging. How can a young child describe the sensorial experience of carrying each block of the pink tower to a rug and creating a geometric tower of cubes based on the decimal system? Or convey their emerging conversation with a friend during community lunch? Or relate their delight in discovering that ten 10s create a hundred square?

As children get a little older, they are also starting to grapple with figuring out their relationships with peers, which involves so many social nuances. Younger elementary-aged children are still seeing these relationships in black and white. So their descriptions of the day may be pretty two-dimensional: someone was mean or nice, the day was good or bad (usually based on an interaction with a friend), etc.

It can be hard for children to talk about their experiences at school. However, if we shift our approach, we can often get more insight into our children’s experiences.

Ideally, we focus on connection first. When we see our children at the end of the school day, we can greet them in a way that conveys how happy we are to see them. They may be tired, need to fall apart a little, have a snack, or just have a little time for rejuvenation. Allow a little loving space. Each child has a different way they feel fueled, loved, seen, and held. That first moment isn’t an ideal time to ask about the day because our children are transitioning into being back in our care. Plus, there is a lot going on during that transition!

Later, when our children have settled into being with us or at home, and hopefully have had a snack or a little time to decompress, we have a chance to connect about the day. However, a word of caution: questions like, “How was your day?” or “What did you do today?” are so open-ended, they can also feel overwhelming to children. 

Instead, when we focus on starting a conversation rather than digging for information, our children are more likely to open up. They also need to feel that we are completely present for their responses, which means putting down our phones, not focusing on getting everyone into or out of the car, or not being involved in something like preparing dinner. It helps when we can show with our body language that we are really listening.

In those times when you are ready to explore a conversation, we recommend trying some other kinds of questions. Here are 40 of our favorites. The first five work best for younger children.

1. What made you feel happy today?

2. Who did you play with today? What did you do together?

3. Who did you sit with at snack/lunch today?

4. What made you feel sad today?

5. What was your favorite activity today?

6. Did everyone have someone to play with today? Who played together?

7. Who brought the best food in their lunch today? What was it?

8. What was your favorite thing in your lunch box?

9. What games did you play at recess?

10. What is the most popular activity at recess? Is it something you like to do? Why or why not?

11. Did someone get in trouble at school today? What did they do?

12. What did you notice today that other people probably didn’t see or pay attention to?

13. What is something you did today that you’d love to do every day?

14. How did someone fill your bucket today? Whose bucket did you fill?

15. What made you feel worried today?

16. What made your teacher smile? Did anything make your teacher frown?

17. What were you grateful for today?

18. If one of your classmates could be the teacher for a day, who would you want it to be? Why?

19. What is your class or teacher’s most important rule?

20. Who do you want to make friends with but haven’t yet? Why?

21. What did you learn about a friend today?

22. If aliens came to school and beamed up three kids, who do you wish they would take? Why?

23. What did you do today that was helpful?

24. When did you feel most proud of yourself today?

25. What rule was the hardest to follow today?

26. Which person in your class is your exact opposite?

27. Who is the friendliest person in your class? What do they do to be friendly?

28. What did you do today that was creative?

29. Did your teacher read to the class today? If so, what was the story or book about?

30. What was the high point of your day? What was the low point?

31. Was anyone in your class absent today? Do you know why they weren’t there?

32. What is something you heard that surprised you?

33. What is something that challenged you?

34. What is something that you were super good at today?

35. What compliments did you get (or give) today?

36. How were you brave today?

37. If you could change one thing about your day, what would it be?

38. How was your day different than yesterday?

39. What superpower would have come in handy today?

40. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

After a snack, over dinner, on an afternoon walk, or before bed, try starting conversations with these kinds of questions. Notice that most of them can’t be answered with one word. 

In addition, we can also provide our own responses, which provides a model for our children and gives them some scaffolding as they are thinking about how to answer. For example, “At lunch today I sat with someone who just started working with me. We talked a lot about going hiking and I shared some of my favorite hikes.” Or “When I was about your age, we loved playing capture the flag. One of my favorite memories of this game was when…” Sharing parts of our day or some of our own school memories not only shows that we are interested in conversation, but it also gives our children a guide for how to begin.

Let us know how it goes to first connect and later start conversations with open-ended questions. If you have any conversation starters that you and your children especially love, please share them! You can also download this printable of our favorite 40 questions to keep handy for those opportune moments.