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Freedom Within Limits: What Does It Look Like?

One of the most common misunderstandings about Montessori education surrounds the freedom we give the children in our care. Generally speaking, once folks actually step inside a classroom and observe what really goes on, there is no doubt and all misconceptions are quickly cleared up.

Montessori isn’t a trademarked concept though. Anyone (school or individual) can claim to be “Montessori” but that doesn’t necessarily make it so. This is why specific, high-quality teacher training programs, along with affiliation or accreditation with a major Montessori organization (such as AMI or AMS) is critical to ensuring a high fidelity program.

All that aside, yes, it’s true: Montessori philosophy relies heavily on freedom of choice. We also rely heavily on appropriate limits. There is a critical balance, and achieving this balance is what gives children the sense of dignity, empowerment, and success they deserve. Children are no less human than adults, and they deserve respect, albeit in developmentally appropriate ways that support their growth.

What does this look like in our learning environments, and how might parents utilize these strategies in the home? Read on to learn more.

The physical boundaries of the environment

Montessori schools and guides are very intentional in the ways they structure the physical classroom environment. We want our students to be able to move freely around the space, but we don’t want that movement to inspire behaviors that are distracting to others or unsafe. The good news is there are plenty of things we can do to ensure choice, safety, and learning, all at the same time.

In classrooms for younger children, we avoid having wide open spaces that invite running indoors. The wooden shelves that house learning materials are strategically placed to block paths that children may otherwise utilize in such a way. Instead, we provide indoor-appropriate movement opportunities, we teach children how to use them, and we make sure they are located in spaces that don’t disrupt the work of others. We also make sure there is time and space built into the day that allows for running outside.

Dr. Montessori valued the opportunities available to children outdoors and in nature, so our schools work hard to provide appropriate and safe space for children to explore. This looks vastly different depending on the child. A four-year-old might enjoy a fenced-in area with raised garden beds, trees, and grassy fields. An 11-year-old might walk to an adjacent wooded area under the supervision of an adult where they independently gather materials with peers to make forts and other structures.

Choosing what to work on

As adults, we don’t like to be micromanaged. Neither do children. Even a small degree of autonomy allows a person to feel like their decision-making is valued and trusted. This overarching idea is kept in the forefront of our minds, but it does look different at different levels.

During the first plane of development (newborn - age 6) children are given presentations on how to use various materials and complete various tasks. During their independent work cycle they are generally permitted to choose which of these tasks they would like to repeat and in what order. This allows them to follow their interests and develop skills they are internally primed to master without being tethered to a prescribed one-size-fits-all program. As they enter the final year or this period, their guide may start to implement some of the structures seen in the second plane to ease their transition and provide for evolving developmental needs.

During the elementary years, there are certain academic expectations. Children in Montessori environments are given regular lessons on topics of interest as well as to teach basic math and language skills. They are still able to choose their work, as well as make choices about what they would like to spend more time on and study in depth. Our guides are watching closely, however, to make sure children do not avoid subjects. (More on that later in this article)

Honoring personal health needs

We don’t believe children should have to ask permission to address their own basic needs. Whether it be using the toilet, getting a drink of water, or having a snack, all people (children included) should be able to listen to their own bodies and care for those needs on demand.

When children are very young, they need more assistance, but we teach them to listen to their bodies’ cues and guide them through the processes. As they get older and more independent, we build structures into the environment that allow them to meet their needs independently. Even as young as age three, children serve themselves a snack if a seat is available at the snack table. They know where their water cup is located and how to clean up a spill if it happens. The restroom is located in the classroom or nearby so that they can use it without the help of an adult.

Multiple winning options

Want to give kids choice while still achieving specific goals? Give win-win options. We use this strategy in the classroom, but parents can use it at home as well. Some examples:

“Would you rather get dressed or eat breakfast first?”

“I need help with some of the chores. Are you in the mood for washing dishes or doing laundry?”

“It’s almost bedtime. Please go get into your pajamas and brush your teeth, and any time you have leftover before 8:00 we can use to read together.”

“You need to pack some more protein in your lunch for tomorrow. Would you like sliced turkey or some hummus?”

Keep in mind that fewer options make decision-making easier. This is especially important to consider when a child is younger or if the decision is causing any kind of stress. 

Guidance and discussion

As children get older, it’s important to be transparent in the process of offering increasing freedom. We tell children that we value their input, that we want them to blaze their own trails, and that we are here to support them on the journey.

Remember above when we talked about addressing when a child avoids a particular subject? There are many reasons why they might do so, but it’s usually because the skill is too challenging or too easy. By observing the child at work we can often get an idea of what’s going on, but with children elementary-aged and older, a conversation can be incredibly enlightening.

Once we find out why the avoidance is occurring, we can help develop a plan. The child may need to be introduced to time management strategies. They may need a refresher lesson. They may need to be challenged in a whole new way. Montessori schools are structured so that opportunities for these quick but important check-in meetings are frequent. Long blocks of time dedicated to learning and working independently, coupled with a variety of goals that extend far beyond academics, allow students and guides to work together toward productive independence.

 

Questions? Comments? We love to hear from parents. Reach out any time!

It’s Okay to Set Limits

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As parents today we are bombarded with advice, ideas, suggestions, and rules on how to be the best parents we can be for our children.  Some change is good; emerging research tells us more and more about human development and how our brains work, and making progress as a society is always a good thing.  Still, it can be hard to weed through the good ideas and those with good intentions that don’t really serve us or our children.

Giving children choice is important.  Respecting children as autonomous human beings is important.  We should recognize that even though they are young, their lives are not ours to live.  Their dreams are not ours to fulfill.

So, we give our kids choice.  We let them make their own decisions.  We honor their growing independence and understand that their ideas may sometimes (often) conflict with our own.  And we try to be okay with that.

But should we let our children do whatever they want all the time?  We would argue that no, that is a very different scenario.  Giving choice is one thing, neglecting to set any boundaries is something altogether different.

What do children need?

In order for a child to strengthen their sense of independence they need to be able to make their own decisions, but they need to make these within a framework that feels safe.  As kids learn and grow, they need to be able to take risks and make mistakes; after all, making mistakes is one way we learn.  It is critical, however, that we keep give our children boundaries within which they are able to make choices.

As children grow and develop, it is critical that they form bonds with adults in their lives that are trusting and secure.  Our kids really do test us sometimes; they push against the rules we set because they are seeking a sense of how strong our limits are and whether or not we mean what we say.  Giving guidance and setting boundaries isn’t just okay, it’s critical to letting our children know we are here for them and care about their well being.

In short: kids need choice.  They also need those choices to fall within limits that keep them safe, both physically and emotionally.  When they’re younger, they need fewer choices and more limits.  As they grow, we increase the choice and decrease the limits.  This way, once they are fully mature adults, they have had plenty of time to practice making decisions prior to any expectation that they actually do so successfully on their own.  Isn’t that what childhood is all about?  Human children are able to experience a joyful period of time in which we get to practice becoming a responsible adult.

What does this look like in our classrooms?

Montessori classrooms are carefully prepared environments with built-in choices and limits.  Some examples of how we achieve this balance:

  • Furniture is arranged so that children are free to move around, but most classrooms are devoid of large open areas that might encourage running in such a confined space. Those shelves are placed with intention!

  • Materials on the shelves are rotated frequently. Children may only access what is available to them. Materials that we do not want the children to have access to are kept stored away in a cabinet or closet.

  • The snack table might be just large enough for two chairs. We want children to eat and socialize when they choose, but we also know that if there is space for ten children to do so at once, the activity may become disruptive and lose its original intent.

  • Older children may utilize work plans. This enables them to determine the pace, order, and details of their work, but requires them to be accountable for completing all desired tasks within a specified amount of time. For example, a child may be asked to complete a range of math, reading, and biology work within a given timeframe, but there is plenty of choice in how they accomplish the goal.

  • Children in Montessori classrooms do not typically have to ask permission to use the restroom. Instead, we create structures so that they may do so safely whenever the need arises. Some schools have restrooms located within the classroom, others have hall passes available, or hold class meetings to discuss procedures with the children.

What might this look like in our homes?

If your family is new to Montessori, it can sometimes take a bit of time to shift ideas and expectations.  Once you do, however, it’s hard to imagine doing things any other way.  Some ideas to get you started:

  • Allow your children to make decisions about what they wear. For older babies and toddlers, this may be as simple as allowing them to choose between two different color shirts. For older children, you may just set guidelines, such as their clothing must be appropriate for the weather.

  • If you need your child to get a few things done, let them choose the order. For example, ask them if they would rather take a bath or make their lunch first. Be clear that your expectation is that they will do both, but that you value their opinion and want to let them help decide how to spend their time.

  • Define boundaries when your child is struggling with emotions. It’s great to let your child feel whatever they are feeling, but that doesn’t mean they should mistreat those around them when they are frustrated or angry. “I see that you are frustrated. It’s normal to feel that way but you may not scream in our house. Here are some other ways to express that feeling…”

  • Have frank and open discussions with your older children. Have you been feeling like they’re overdoing it with video games or staying out too late? Tell them what your concerns are, what your limits are, and solicit their ideas with solutions. Rather than implementing sudden new rules, engage your older children in problem solving talks until you come to a conclusion you can both live with.

We hope this post has been helpful and inspiring.  In a world of permissive parenting and misunderstandings about what Montessori really means, it can be easy to get caught up in giving in to our children’s every desire.  The good news is, you don’t have to.  Our children look to us to be the adults in their lives.  Each and every child deserves adults who love and respect them for who they are.