It’s Okay to Set Limits

As parents today we are bombarded with advice, ideas, suggestions, and rules on how to be the best parents we can be for our children.  Some change is good; emerging research tells us more and more about human development and how our brains work, and making progress as a society is always a good thing.  Still, it can be hard to weed through the good ideas and those with good intentions that don’t really serve us or our children.

Giving children choice is important.  Respecting children as autonomous human beings is important.  We should recognize that even though they are young, their lives are not ours to live.  Their dreams are not ours to fulfill.

So, we give our kids choice.  We let them make their own decisions.  We honor their growing independence and understand that their ideas may sometimes (often) conflict with our own.  And we try to be okay with that.

But should we let our children do whatever they want all the time?  We would argue that no, that is a very different scenario.  Giving choice is one thing, neglecting to set any boundaries is something altogether different.

What do children need?

In order for a child to strengthen their sense of independence they need to be able to make their own decisions, but they need to make these within a framework that feels safe.  As kids learn and grow, they need to be able to take risks and make mistakes; after all, making mistakes is one way we learn.  It is critical, however, that we keep give our children boundaries within which they are able to make choices.

As children grow and develop, it is critical that they form bonds with adults in their lives that are trusting and secure.  Our kids really do test us sometimes; they push against the rules we set because they are seeking a sense of how strong our limits are and whether or not we mean what we say.  Giving guidance and setting boundaries isn’t just okay, it’s critical to letting our children know we are here for them and care about their well being.

In short: kids need choice.  They also need those choices to fall within limits that keep them safe, both physically and emotionally.  When they’re younger, they need fewer choices and more limits.  As they grow, we increase the choice and decrease the limits.  This way, once they are fully mature adults, they have had plenty of time to practice making decisions prior to any expectation that they actually do so successfully on their own.  Isn’t that what childhood is all about?  Human children are able to experience a joyful period of time in which we get to practice becoming a responsible adult.

What does this look like in our classrooms?

Montessori classrooms are carefully prepared environments with built-in choices and limits.  Some examples of how we achieve this balance:

• Furniture is arranged so that children are free to move around, but most classrooms are devoid of large open areas that might encourage running in such a confined space. Those shelves are placed with intention!

• Materials on the shelves are rotated frequently. Children may only access what is available to them. Materials that we do not want the children to have access to are kept stored away in a cabinet or closet.

• The snack table might be just large enough for two chairs. We want children to eat and socialize when they choose, but we also know that if there is space for ten children to do so at once, the activity may become disruptive and lose its original intent.

• Older children may utilize work plans. This enables them to determine the pace, order, and details of their work, but requires them to be accountable for completing all desired tasks within a specified amount of time. For example, a child may be asked to complete a range of math, reading, and biology work within a given timeframe, but there is plenty of choice in how they accomplish the goal.

• Children in Montessori classrooms do not typically have to ask permission to use the restroom. Instead, we create structures so that they may do so safely whenever the need arises. Some schools have restrooms located within the classroom, others have hall passes available, or hold class meetings to discuss procedures with the children.

What might this look like in our homes?

If your family is new to Montessori, it can sometimes take a bit of time to shift ideas and expectations.  Once you do, however, it’s hard to imagine doing things any other way.  Some ideas to get you started:

• Allow your children to make decisions about what they wear. For older babies and toddlers, this may be as simple as allowing them to choose between two different color shirts. For older children, you may just set guidelines, such as their clothing must be appropriate for the weather.

• If you need your child to get a few things done, let them choose the order. For example, ask them if they would rather take a bath or make their lunch first. Be clear that your expectation is that they will do both, but that you value their opinion and want to let them help decide how to spend their time.

• Define boundaries when your child is struggling with emotions. It’s great to let your child feel whatever they are feeling, but that doesn’t mean they should mistreat those around them when they are frustrated or angry. “I see that you are frustrated. It’s normal to feel that way but you may not scream in our house. Here are some other ways to express that feeling…”

• Have frank and open discussions with your older children. Have you been feeling like they’re overdoing it with video games or staying out too late? Tell them what your concerns are, what your limits are, and solicit their ideas with solutions. Rather than implementing sudden new rules, engage your older children in problem solving talks until you come to a conclusion you can both live with.

We hope this post has been helpful and inspiring.  In a world of permissive parenting and misunderstandings about what Montessori really means, it can be easy to get caught up in giving in to our children’s every desire.  The good news is, you don’t have to.  Our children look to us to be the adults in their lives.  Each and every child deserves adults who love and respect them for who they are.

Why Montessori?

How does a parent prepare their child for an unpredictable future?  Don’t we all just want to give them every possible advantage?

How do we define success in our children’s lives?  Is it about being able to provide for oneself or is it finding joy in the work we do?  Is it about contributing to our communities or perhaps continuing to learn throughout our lives?  Couldn’t it (shouldn’t it) be a little bit of all of those things?

Goals

We think Montessori is one beautiful way to work toward all of these goals, and we are prepared to make some bold statements:

• Montessori gives children a strong understanding of basic math and language skills, starting earlier than most methods and using materials that support their development and methods that correlate with current research findings.

• Building a sense of independence and confidence is a major component of what we do. We know that children of all ages are fully capable of doing more for themselves than they are often given credit for. We have learned to sit back, observe, and assist only when necessary. This allows children to grow in incredible ways, amazing their parents (and frankly, us, too!).

• Respect for and connection to the earth is built directly into our curriculum, especially in the elementary grades. We know that around age 6, children start to think about where they fit into the bigger picture. We teach them about the universe, our solar system, the beauty of our planet, and the variety of life on it, just at a time when they are seeking those answers.

• Choice and freedom are important for all human beings. We give both to children because we believe they are capable of knowing what they need and want, and the more practice they have the better they will get at making decisions when we are not there to support them.

• We value teaching responsibility and time management skills. This goes hand in hand with focus and attentiveness. The ability to make choices about one’s learning must be balanced with accountability; as the children in our classrooms get older, they know there are certain expectations. For example, they may be able to choose the order of their work, but they know that they have to do grammar at some point during a specific time period, even if it’s not their favorite subject.

• Rather than drilling arbitrary facts into children and forcing them to memorize information that may not serve them in the future, we take a different approach. All children are exposed to a wide variety of basic scientific, geographical, and historical information, and are given extensive opportunities to more deeply explore the topics that they find fascinating.

Graduates of Montessori schools go on to be successful in other settings, whether they go on to attend other private schools or their local public schools.  They tend to view the world a little more creatively than the rest of us, and their contributions are often felt throughout society.  There are many notable public figures that credit their early Montessori education to the successes they experienced later in life.  To learn more about some of these people, take a look at this article.

Research

Montessori-specific research is a fairly new field, but the initial results in recent years are fascinating.

One study conducted in Hartford, Connecticut, took a look at preschool students in a public Montessori magnet school.  Federal magnet grants are awarded to public schools who commit to special, high-quality educational programming (in this case, Montessori) in an attempt to create a socioeconomically diverse school community within an urban setting.  In the study, two groups of preschool-aged children were observed over time: 70 children in the Montessori setting and 71 who were in other settings.  While the children tested similarly at the onset of the study, eventually the Montessori children outperformed the others academically, as well as notable increases in their enjoyment of work, social understanding, mastery orientation, and executive function.  Subgroups within the study showed some other interesting findings that suggest Montessori education might help close the gaps on certain factors that typically hinder children’s success (such as income and executive functioning).

Another study in public Montessori schools in Milwaukee concluded that a Montessori education has long-lasting positive benefits for children.  The study also determined that when Montessori-educated children eventually transitioned into more traditional educational settings they were successful and the transition was positive.

While there are other great studies out there, we will touch on just one more here.  This study took a look at the effects of a high fidelity Montessori environment versus a low fidelity Montessori or conventional classroom environment.  Children who learned in a classic Montessori program in which the guides adhered to traditional methods made significantly higher gains during the school year than their counterparts in conventional classrooms or Montessori classrooms that were supplemented with other types of learning materials and methods.

Community

Montessori schools are also something unexpected: they provide a community for more than just the children.  Parents, educators, students, and local community members gather together in support of common goals.  They work together, socialize together, and find ways to solve problems together.  In our society today, many people have lost the sense of community that is so important to our well being; Montessori schools serve an important function of not just educating children, but giving like-minded adults a way to connect and form meaningful relationships.

On the Topic of Competition

You may have noticed that in Montessori schools, we do not typically encourage competition between children.  Our lack of traditional grading is one obvious marker of this approach, but you will notice that the lack of peer competition threads itself pretty much throughout the entire program.  This is quite intentional, and we work hard to give children a foundation built on competition with oneself, rather than with others.  

It is important to note, however, that a Montessori education does not leave children unprepared for “the real world”.  We recognize that competition is a part of life for many, and we work hard to cultivate characteristics that will allow children to engage in healthy, fulfilling competitive experiences.

Curious to learn more about what we do?  In this post we not only explain why we favor internal motivation, but what we do to help nurture well-rounded and adaptable children.

Internal versus External Motivation

One of our core values as Montessorians is that we believe intrinsic motivation is far more powerful than external rewards.  This has been the foundation of our educational model for over a century.  In recent years, studies have backed the theory that we are most successful when we are driven by our own internal motivations, not perceived rewards (like prizes, grades, or money).  Information on one such study can be found here.

How We Prepare Children for Healthy, Real-World Competition

Montessori schools can sometimes feel like a bit of a protective bubble.  As educators, we need to recognize this and make sure we are preparing children for what comes next.  Montessori students tend to be highly successful when they eventually move on to more traditional schools, regardless of when that might be.  The following character traits are cultivated throughout a child’s time with us, and we believe this is part of what it takes to create successful and fulfilled people in the long run.

Self Confidence

We all like having the ability to believe in ourselves, and we do whatever we can to guide our children toward feeling the same way.  From a very young age, Montessori children learn to do things for themselves.  They are respected by the adults in their lives and their personal autonomy is honored. 

When a toddler sweeps up her own crumbs, she feels it.  When a four-year-old makes his own sandwich for the first time, he feels it.  When an eight-year-old solves a challenging long division problem, they feel it.  

We build routines and structures that allow children to accomplish big things, and to revel in the feelings of self-accomplishment.  After many, many of these experiences, children develop a strong sense of self, and an “I can do it” attitude.

Resiliency

In Montessori classrooms, we know what children are capable of.  We know that traditional settings often expect less than what is developmentally appropriate for them.  When our students feel driven to work hard on challenging tasks, failure becomes an early and welcome part of their experience.  

As adults, we often equate failure with negative outcomes.  In reality, failure is nothing more than a learning experience, and we can use that experience to guide us toward mastery.  When following an internal desire to learn about or accomplish something, children welcome these necessary building blocks.  They see them for what they are: another motivator to keep pushing forward. 

Independence

If it’s not already obvious, our students are encouraged to be as independent as they are able to be, both according to their age and their individual needs.  This means they do not need to rely on others to get started on or execute tasks; they have plenty of experience confronting challenges independently.

Having a strong sense of independence allows us to take on leadership roles.  It brings us towards self-awareness and trusting our own abilities.  Our independence can encourage us to block out unimportant details and distractions, leading us to focus clearly on the task at hand.

Cooperation

While independence is critical to our success, it is equally valuable to be able to work cooperatively with others.  Many competitive situations involve teams of people working together toward a common goal, and this is something Montessori children get lots of practice in.

We recognize that one of the hallmarks of the elementary age (6-12) is that children are highly motivated by social interactions.  To this end, we carefully craft the classroom environment to support this need.  Children are given lessons in small groups, and even the furniture is arranged for a variety of seating options. If you were to observe in an elementary classroom, you would notice most of the children clustered in small groups working together, and this inevitably leads to many opportunities to practice important skills like compromise, flexibility, and advocacy. 

Self Advocacy

Montessori classrooms have a bit more flexibility in terms of daily scheduling than most settings.  One critical element that must remain is the three-hour work cycle in the morning.  Beyond that, our guides are able to schedule class meetings regularly, or any time conflict arises.  We teach our students skills they need to navigate all sorts of interpersonal situations, including how to advocate for themselves.  

Another interesting aspect of a Montessori classroom is that even young children have frequent opportunities to present their work and ideas to their classmates.  Being able to stand up and speak in front of a group of people from the time one is six years old seems to have a profoundly powerful effect on how we are able to convey, with confidence, our ideas and feelings.  

Did you know that there are a number of well-known figures who attribute their Montessori education at least partially to their success?  In this video, NBA MVP Stephen Curry shares how his own Montessori education gave him the confidence necessary to become the successful adult he is today.

Montessori Basics: How we Teach Handwriting

Handwriting or penmanship; no matter what you call it, it was likely an important part of your early education.  Pressured by time and content constraints, many schools have abandoned explicit handwriting instruction.  This is resulting in a generation of children who do not know how to write in cursive, and who sometimes even struggle to form legible printed letters.

A number of scientific studies point to the importance of handwriting, including this one which concluded that handwriting (as opposed to typing or tracing) guides preliterate children toward developing reading skills.  

Interested in learning more about the scientific evidence that supports the importance of teaching handwriting as a skill?  Check out this article that highlights five of the important reasons we should not allow direct instruction in this area to go by the wayside.  Not only does learning handwriting early help children develop skills needed for reading, evidence suggests it makes children better writers, spellers, and leads them towards future success in academics.  Higher brain density and gray matter volume have been connected to high-quality handwriting, suggesting that frequent practice may aid in neural processing.  Studies also conclude that it is critical for teachers to model the correct way to form letters, but also to utilize direct instruction.

In Montessori schools, handwriting is a critical component of children’s learning.  As with so many other skills, our curriculum takes a spiraling approach, indirectly preparing children prior to direct instruction.  Very young children develop the muscles necessary for a pincer grasp while they manipulate materials such as the knobbed cylinders, a Montessori favorite!  

There are two other important materials in the primary classroom that facilitate handwriting readiness: the metal insets and the sandpaper letters.

The metal insets are wooden trays that hold a series of stencil-like shapes.  Removable shapes are blue with a pink background.  Some shapes have straight-lined sides while others are curved.  Children trace the shapes with a pencil, giving their hands a chance to practice creating a variety of lines.  Increasingly challenging activities encourage children to create different patterns with colored pencils while staying inside the original traced lines.  At first glance, this may appear to be a fun art activity (which it certainly is!) but its main intention is to prepare children for their upcoming work in handwriting.

Montessori sandpaper letters take the work a step further.  Twenty-six wooden tiles are adorned with gritty, sand-textured letters of the alphabet.  Children are given lessons on how to trace these letters with their fingers and say the sound.  (As a side note, Montessori children are taught the sound of each letter in conjunction with its name, which makes much more sense for reading preparation.)  Perhaps you have observed this in a Montessori classroom; if you have not, we highly suggest coming in to watch the magic of this work in person.

Interestingly, children who attend Montessori schools are typically able to write even before they have begun to read.  Once they do begin reading, these previously developed skills allow them to seamlessly work on the various components of literacy development simultaneously.

Once children enter the elementary years in a Montessori school, they are required to write throughout the day.  Typically, children work throughout the three-hour work period in the morning on a largely independent basis, unless they are receiving a direct, small-group lesson from the guide.  During this independent work they record parts of what they do in notebooks.  For example, if a child uses a card material to learn about the internal body functions of a fish (how they perform the tasks of respiration, circulation, movement, and so on), they will record at least part of this work in their notebook.  For example: “Circulation.  Fish have two chambers in their hearts.”  This writing continues throughout the day and is directly connected to other content children are learning.

Some classrooms include direct handwriting practice even in the elementary years.  This is typically something for children to copy in their notebooks, such as a poem or a paragraph about something they recently had a lesson on.

One final and very important reason to teach handwriting: when children learn how to form beautiful letters early on, they are better able to focus on a myriad of other things.  For example, when writing a story, they can actually think about their story ideas instead of belaboring over how to write a ‘q’.  

Interested in learning more?  As mentioned earlier, we encourage you to come visit the school and observe in one of our classrooms.  Doing so is common practice in Montessori schools, is unobtrusive to the children, and can provide excellent insight for those who are looking to learn more about this unique educational approach.

Holiday Gift Giving Guide 2019

Believe it or not, the holiday season is rapidly approaching!  We thought it might be fun to share some of our favorite Montessori-friendly gift ideas.  Click on the name or picture for shopping information..

Montessori Infant Mobiles

Montessori infant environments traditionally use mobiles for newborns.  There are different types, but their purpose remains the same: they aid babies in the development of their visual tracking, but they also just bring the babies a sense of joy.  Etsy is a great source for finding beautiful handmade versions.  To learn more about Montessori mobiles, take a look at this article.

Baby Boo Silk Scarves

Silk scarves are an excellent option for open-ended play.  Children use their imaginations and creativity as they think of ways to incorporate them into their play.  The scarves will be used for hiding, covering, waving, dancing, and as a dress-up option.  We have even seen them worn by patient and willing family pets.  This particular scarf is a bit smaller and colored with nontoxic dyes, making it perfect for babies and toddlers.  

Crayon Rocks

Art supplies are a must for any child.  Keep it simple; children are happy to use paper from the recycle bin and whatever else you have around.  If you’re looking for something a little more special, check out these crayon rocks.  Comfortable for tiny hands to grasp, they are made with soy wax and colored with mineral powders.  They lay down gorgeous color and are appreciated by children of all ages.

Child-Sized Snow Shovel

Young children love to do whatever the beloved adults in their lives are doing.  The tasks we often view as monotonous or even tedious are exciting for little ones.  Giving children real tools that are sized down for them makes this important work possible.  This snow shovel will allow you to get your driveway cleared while your child learns alongside you, getting fresh air, exercise, and important bonding time with you.

Young Carpenter’s Set

Much like the snow shovel listed above, this toolbelt, hammer, and safety glasses set will allow aspiring young carpenters to work alongside the adults they admire.  Montessori Services offers many different child-sized tools, depending on your child’s level of interest and what types of projects you have envisioned!

Leaf and Flower Press

Children are collectors.  Especially when they spend time outdoors, their natural fascination with the world spurs them to gather tiny objects.  We are all familiar with pockets full of rocks and crushed dandelions found in the back seat of the car.  As children get a little older, this leaf and flower press can allow them to preserve their botanical finds.  Once leaves and flowers are dried and pressed, they can be used in many different ways.

Marble Run

If your child loves to build, marble runs are a great way to encourage independent development of a wide range of skills.  Kids will experience trial and error, general engineering concepts, creativity, and more.  There are endless possibilities for configurations, and children can enjoy using the toy by themselves or with a friend or adult.

Jigsaw Puzzles

Puzzles are a classic way to pass the time together.  We really appreciate this particular brand because they are well-made and have many great designs for children.  The beauty of puzzles is that they don’t need to be completed in one setting.  Designate a tabletop and have one out for the family to work on together a little bit each day.  Rather than linking to one particular puzzle, we decided to just share the page for children’s puzzles so you can find one that would be appealing to your child.

Child-Sized Mug

There’s nothing quite like cozying up with a warm drink on a chilly winter day.  These 4-ounce ceramic mugs were created with kids in mind.  They are adorned with pictures of wild animals, and a portion of each sale is donated to conservation efforts.

Kites

Kites are a classic children’s toy.  They encourage our children to run around outside and to pay attention to keeping the kite afloat.  Teaching your child how to fly one can be a fun and rewarding experience, and there are so many different places to take them.  Some families like to keep one in the trunk of their car, just in case!

We hope this list has provided you with some helpful inspiration.  Do you have other ideas to share?  Let us know!

Montessori Basics: Reality vs. Fantasy

Our Montessori Basics posts are created in order to teach parents about Montessori philosophy and curriculum.  Today’s post helps illuminate how one element of the philosophy drives the curriculum.  We all know Montessori classrooms differ vastly from their more conventional, traditional counterparts, and views on how children developmentally react to fantasy and reality are one of the key components of those differences.

You may or may not already know, but Montessori schools discourage the introduction of fantasy to young children (children under the ages of 5 or 6).  This means we do not use play kitchens, have a dress-up area in the classroom, or rely on books with dragons and fairies.  This often evokes a visceral reaction from those new to the approach, but after learning the scientific reasoning it makes much more sense.

Some people hold a misconception about Montessori regarding their assumption that the method stifles imagination and creativity.  The is unequivocally false.  We wonder if this misconception stems from tangled definitions of fantasy and imagination, which are two very separate concepts.  Fantasy is the stories and ideas drawn from a world which does not exist (those fairies, dragons, talking horses, etc.).  Imagination is the ability to conjure images or scenarios in one’s own mind, separate from present sensorial input.  

So, what is the difference, really?

Fantasy is giving wooden fruit to play with instead of a real banana to slice.  Fantasy is reading a book about a talking dog rather than reading a book about the different breeds of dogs around the world.  

Imagination is a child on the playground pretending they are an eagle because they saw a live one for the first time that weekend.  Imagination is children playing ‘family’ because they are driven to practice the roles that are modeled for them in their own homes.

Imagination is inherent in the human mind. It’s where our creativity comes from, and it’s one of the ways we process learning about the amazing world around us.  As Montessorians, we revel in the magic of imagination (and, as children get a bit older, we use it to our advantage, but more on that later).

As Montessorians, we recognize that young children have a difficult time distinguishing the differences between reality and fantasy, and that blending the two within their experience can be confusing.  We also know, from Dr. Montessori’s own observations, that young children typically prefer reality to fantasy.  For example, in her first classroom, she had a dollhouse and read folktales.  Children were far more interested in leaving those activities behind to observe an earthworm or serve tea to visitors.

Our perspective asserts that in a young child’s life, everything they encounter is awe-inspiring and fills them with wonder.  We need not tell them tales of unicorns, in part because they often have a hard time distinguishing between whether they are real or not, but also because an actual horse is just as fantastic to them.  When the whole world is still relatively brand-new, animals, plants, the environment, and real people provide more than enough inspiration for their young minds.

We all know that even very young children utilize their imaginations (as we mentioned several examples above).  This is a normal and natural part of development which we value and honor.  We would just rather give our students real, authentic opportunities as opposed to presenting them with fake ones.  We know that a three-year-old is fully capable of learning basic food preparation skills, so we guide them and leave them with a sense of empowerment.  Even a toddler is old enough to begin learning how to sweep up a mess on the floor.  Rather than supplying a toy cleaning set, we make available real cleaning tools that are appropriately sized, and we guide young children as they learn to use them effectively.

Once children enter the second plane of development, around age 6, our approach shifts.  We know children are more able to differentiate between reality and fantasy, so we don’t discourage fantasy books (although we do provide plenty of nonfiction).  We also know that children at this age, through about age 12, are highly motivated to learn through the use of their imaginations.  

While we still do not rely on fantasy to drive our teaching, we do lean heavily on imagination for older children.  Several of our most important, foundational lessons about the universe, life on Earth, and humanity itself are delivered with the use of storytelling.  The stories we tell are true, but we allow children to mentally picture themselves in historically critical moments.  Elementary-aged children are seeking to find their own place in the universe, and their developed sense of imagination helps take them there.

Are you interested in learning more about this topic?  We would love to start a conversation, and we also welcome you to come observe in our classrooms.  Most traditional schools do not allow prospective parents to come and sit in a classroom, but we believe it is the very best way to discover Montessori for yourself.